Self Insert Authoress Tripe
by Smoke
Summary: Plot? What plot? Random adventures where the LOK gang are aware that the world is run by an Author. Not up to my usual standards. Even if you don't like the first part of the T arc, I think part 7 is worth a look.
1. First Adventure Part 1

This project has a couple of names. "Authoress Tripe," "Self-Insert Tripe," in the handwritten form I simply title it, "Tripe."

The reason I'm writing this one is that my creative spirit suffered quite badly in a real-life struggle I had recently. The poor thing is huddled in the corner in a puddle of its own blood. This is a 'project of least resistance' in an effort to rehabilitate my creative spirit. It's going to be one of those unending PWP's that will end up collapsing in on itself. In this case, it's going to be a case of "Yes, it's bad. Carry on regardless." Actually, it's a miracle if it makes any sense half of the time. **Warning: this fic does go through the 'does it make the eyes bleed' test, but sometimes it just squeaks by with a pass.**

* * *

Kain stood in the middle of a grassy meadow. A frown of confusion slowly dawned on his heavily ridged face. He glanced over his shoulder, sneering as he confirmed that the Soul Reaver was not there. The last thing he remembered was standing in the ruins of the Vampire Citadel, surveying the freshly collapsed pillars and reflecting on Raziel's sacrifice.

The meadow stretched to the horizon, each direction exactly the same. Seeing no variation in the undulating grasses, Kain simply picked a direction at random and began walking.

Occasional trees and boulders dotted the landscape, but they were not enough to prevent the lethargy of walking for so many hours in such a desolate place. Kain doubted his senses when he thought he saw a person walking through a depression in the landscape. 

"Raziel?" Kain questioned. His voice was not loud enough to carry, but the figure turned towards him anyway.

"Kain? I thought you were dead." It was Raziel. Through some trick of acoustics, Kain could hear Raziel's voice as if they were standing right next to each other instead of trying to close the distance.

Kain did not bring up the point that it was Raziel who was supposed to be dead. Instead Kain asked, "How did we get here?"

Raziel shrugged, his bony frame amplifying the gesture. "The last thing I remember is fighting with Janos. A hylden had taken over his body when the pillars fell."

Kain regarded his childe with a cool stare. Raziel had no idea of what he would willingly do. At length, Kain said, "We must figure out a way to return to Nosgoth."

It was then that I decided to make my presence known. I had been observing them from atop a large stone block. It was not a hiding place, but they also hadn't noticed me. The first words that I said to them were, "Please don't hurt me."

I was foolish not to expect Kain's response. He telekinetically yanked me from my perch and held me suspended in front of him. The sensation was mildly painful, but I couldn't describe it beyond that.

"Who are you?" Kain growled.

I was mildly cheered; Kain was willing to ask questions first and kill later, unless I could talk him out of the killing part. "I know what you'd probably like to know. Call me Hillary."

Kain released his hold on me, and I dropped to the ground with an undignified flop. "Explain."

Some time later, Raziel asked, "So you're saying that this world is ruled by an entity called 'The Author,' and you're an avatar of that being. Kain and I are simply copies of the characters in your favorite story, and if we did return to Nosgoth, it wouldn't be the real one."

"Pretty much," I nodded.

"And if we kill you, then this 'Author' would simply lose interest and we'd cease to exist," Kain added. "What if I have no wish to participate in your little game?"

"You wouldn't even kill yourself to save the world," I pointed out angrily. "Are you willing to nullify your own existence just to spite someone who isn't necessarily your enemy?"

"I'd be willing to nullify my own existence simply to be rid of this form," Raziel spat.

"Let's not be hasty," Kain said to Raziel.

"Look, it's not that bad," I consoled. "The Author isn't evil. Look at me; I'm all sugar and milk toast. Do you really think you're going to end up wading through the underbelly of hell?"

Kain and Raziel exchanged some odd look. They weren't using the whisper, but communicating in a way that could only come from years of knowing each other.

"What is going to happen?" Kain asked.

"I'm not sure," I wheedled uncomfortably. "I've got some ideas, but there's no way to know which ones we'll actually see."

"Do you have any idea what's going to happen next?" Raziel asked.

"Well, we could wander around until something interesting happens," I suggested, "or we could go rescue Janos."

"What happened to him?" Raziel asked.

"He fell." I stopped, reluctant to tell Raziel the results of his actions.

It was Kain that said, "I met Janos roughly four centuries after my refusal at the pillars. I can only assume that he had been a prisoner of the hylden for all of that time. He had been free for only a day when he was cast into the dimension of the hylden's banishment. None of that was supposed to happen."

"That was why you were trying to stop me from reviving Janos?" Raziel questioned.

"Yes," Kain answered firmly. "I can only imagine what they are going to do with him."

"Then I think we should go rescue him," Raziel said.

"What are the dangers to us?" Kain asked.

I rocked my head in thought. "I'm sure we'll get out alive… well, however that word applies to you two."

We began walking, and soon came upon a sheer cliff rising out of the meadow. Technically, it should've been visible from Kain's original appearance point, as well as the place where we were talking, but this meadow was the equivalent of a blank canvas. Nothing existed until it was needed.

"We need to get on the other side of this cliff," I gestured.

"How?" Raziel asked. The walls were too sheer to scale.

I rooted around in my backpack and pulled out a coil of rope. "With this."


	2. First Adventure Part 2

My post gets deleted off the Eidos forum every time I include a disclaimer so "nyah."

20050704: First Adventure: Part 2

* * *

Soul of Ashes: Heh, the problem is that I take myself too seriously. My sense of humor is tied up in allowing my to laugh at myself just enough to keep me from doing something stupid. I have liberated myself from the restriction that it has to make sense, but it's probably not going to be much funnier than Razzy Plush.

Varyssa: I'm not actually in control of Kain and Raziel, just their situation and Hillary. Well, maybe I do have some influence.

RockyShoreline: Thanks for the support. Though the desperation factor does work to my advantage in this, I'd rather do without it. It's the summer weather, most either people lost their educational internet access or just have better things to do.

Razielim Vampiress: I'm hoping my rehabilitation will lead to me turning out something good. I feel the anti-muses nibbling my toes. Unfortunately for those of us with nothing better to do, many of the people who hang out here have better things to do during the summer months.

* * *

Raziel nervously adjusted the rope tied around his waist. "Are you sure that this is going to work?" 

"Of course," I answered confidently. "Can you think of any other way?"

"No," Raziel muttered.

"Are you ready?" Kain asked. At Raziel's nod, he began running with the rope behind him.

Raziel resolutely held his wings taut, and soon he was gliding skyward like a demonic kite. Moments later, he was gliding over the top of the cliff, and the rope went slack. Kain scaled the rope with me hanging from his shoulders; I never would have had the strength to climb up on my own.

We walked across the top of the cliff, and Kain said, "That is the hylden city."

"Yes," I said confidently. "The gate's down there."

"I sealed the gate," Kain said.

"It's a weak spot," I tried to convince him. "We'll be able to get through."

"I believe her," Raziel came to my defense.

"No offense, but you'll believe anyone," I argued calmly.

Raziel blinked, unsure of how to reason with someone who wasn't trying to manipulate him.

"Why is it that I feel that I can trust you?" Kain asked.

"It's a self-defense mechanism," I explained sheepishly. "Can you honestly say that the thought of killing me is as appealing as it sounds?"

Kain sneered. "It is appealing enough."

I cleared my throat, for some reason it felt tight. "I have a way to re-open the gate for just long enough for us to get through."

I hung from Kain's shoulders again as he dropped into the subterranean cavern. The lake and ruined buildings had not changed.

A figure emerged from the shadows and asked, "Kain, is that you?"

Kain shrugged me off of his back and said, "Vorador, I did not realize that you were still here."

Vorador frowned as he studied Kain's features. Seeing the start of a long and confusing conversation, I piped up, "Kain got really old and then went traveling through time. We're trying to rescue Janos from the demon dimension now, so please don't get in our way."

Vorador's eyes widened in surprise, and then settled into a deeper scowl than before. "How did he end up there?"

Just then, their conversation was drowned out by a loud roaring. "Cuddles!" I yelled.

True to my warning, a large demon came tearing out from a secluded corner of the scenery. Kain and Vorador paid the demon no mind, they simply continued arguing. Raziel was the one to face off against Cuddles. His wraith blade flared to life on his arm, and he began expertly slashing at his foe. The demon quickly grew bewildered but it took several minutes for Raziel to put it down.

I turned my attention back to Kain and Vorador now. They were still quarrelling fiercely, occasionally taking swipes at each other. Raziel walked up beside me and took in the show for a moment.

"Break it up, would you?" I said to Raziel. I tried to moderate my voice so that it couldn't be interpreted as a demand; my worry turned into a fearful whimper.

Raziel watched the two vampires fighting for a moment. He then leapt right between them, knocking Vorador to the ground and kicking Kain squarely in the forehead.

"No one kills him before I do," Raziel yelled at Vorador.

"You already did kill me!" Kain bellowed at Raziel. He rubbed his forehead, the thick bones had absorbed the impact. Kain was thinking about what had come after that, and reconsidering whether Janos was really worth another trip into the demon dimension. It surprised him when he felt empathetic towards Janos, and decided that no one deserved that fate.

"How did you manage to survive?" Raziel asked as he stood up and dusted himself off.

"I don't know," Kain said.

There was an abandoned hylden vehicle lying half-submerged in the lake. Though I hated the thought of leaving my backpack behind, I knew that it would only be a burden in the water. I stuck my shoes into my backpack and handed it to Kain. With a signal to Raziel, I waded into the water and paddled to the abandoned vehicle.

"Are you sure that you'll be able to drive this thing?" Raziel asked.

"Not a problem," I answered as I sat down in the pilot's seat and began fiddling with the controls.

Soon, I had the craft wobbling unsteadily through the air. I cursed the lack of brakes as the craft sedately butted up against one of the broken columns. Kain and Vorador both leapt into the open hatchway.

I carefully guided the craft down the hallway that led to the gate, wincing as the metal screeched evilly against the walls. I sensed Raziel's voice among the noise, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. He was the only one not in pain from the sound.

When we finally hovered over where the gate had been, I pulled out a device that looked deceptively like a garage door opener. I clicked the button, and the gate flared into life below us.

I'm not sure about what happened next; I woke up on the ceiling of the craft with a ringing skull.

"Do you call that a landing?" Vorador asked.

"Hey, any landing you can walk away from…" I snapped as I painfully got to my feet.

The demon dimension was dark and smoky. From our vantage point on a ridge, we could see the square buildings of a hylden city that rivaled many cities that I had seen on Earth. A lone green light in a tower drew my attention.

Suddenly, Kain's talon clamped down on my shoulder. "There are demons coming. We need weapons."

I grabbed my backpack and tipped it upside-down. An assortment of medieval weapons tumbled out of it. Vorador grimaced at the quality of many of the weapons, but he snatched up a sword anyway.

Kain quickly grabbed what I assumed would normally be a two-handed sword. He was taller and stronger than any barbarian would typically be, so he used a combination of one-handed and two-handed techniques.

I watched the carnage as the three vampires fought off a wave of demons. Occasionally, Kain's or Vorador's weapon would break, forcing them to grab another out of the pile.

A horned demon broke away from the battle and came charging towards me. Without thinking, I snatched a katana out of the pile and tried to slash at the demon as I ducked under its arm. I felt little resistance on the blade, and I cussed at only scratching the thing.

The demon tried to come around for another swipe at me, but only the top half of its body turned. It collapsed to the ground, its body only held together by a small flap of skin. I stared at it in shock, and then turned my attention to the katana. Its blade was vaguely translucent with an oily sheen to it. The handle felt like some rubberized plastic.

"Let me see that sword," Kain growled from behind me.

I slowly knelt so that I could set the sword on the ground. "You're welcome to it," I whispered. I had never been afraid of sharp things before, but I would have rather dug through a box of broken glass than get near that sword again.

Kain picked up the sword and casually slashed at the still-struggling demon. Its head came off cleanly. At the same time, Raziel impaled a lightening demon, reducing the local population to none.

Kain slid his new prize back into its white scabbard, and Vorador selected another weapon from the pile. Though I did not know what I was going to do with it, I picked up a long-handled mace.

Without looking back, we began marching towards the hylden city.


	3. First Adventure Part 3

Varyssa: Sounds like a Moebius thing. I think bribes would be better. (grin) Sadly, I think that you make more sense when you're overcaffinated than this story does on any day.

20050709 Disclaimers offend me, but the very nature of fanfiction speaks for itself.

* * *

Entering the hylden city was easier than I expected. A wide roadway led to an opening in the fence. I puzzled at the many narrow openings, but then I realized that they were there to stop anything that was demon-sized. 

I glanced at Kain. The clean white plastic of the katana's scabbard clashed strangely with his old-world appearance. It even made his hair look dingy. "Ginsu," I muttered as I finally deciphered the stylized letters painted on the scabbard.

"What did you say?" Kain asked.

"It's the name of the company that makes really good kitchen knives," I explained. "It's on that scabbard."

Kain turned away from me, obviously not impressed with such triviality. The three vampires were on edge, intently scanning their surroundings.

An occasional shadow walked through the gloom, but the city was surprisingly deserted for being so large. Did the hylden know that we were here, and were therefore busy setting a trap? Maybe most of them had been in Nosgoth when the gate closed, and therefore their population no longer filled what once was a teeming city. It was also possible that it was simply the middle of the night; I knew that the downtown area of at least one city on earth became deserted once the sun set.

We reached the building with the green light and turned down the alleyway next to it. I hesitated at the mouth; it was too dark for me to see. Vorador was closest to me, so I pinched the fabric of his jacket and let him lead me. I realized that I was sticking with the weakest of the three, but I knew that my presence would hinder anyone's ability to fight, so that left the stronger two free.

"This is too easy," Kain rumbled almost imperceptibly as we reached a back door. It was unlocked, and we slipped in. By this time it was clear that the hylden either did not expect any intruders, or we were walking right into a trap.

The vampires killed several hylden scientists as we made our way through the building, but the going was not hard. The major difficulty came when we finally came on the room Janos was being held in.

A green shield spell completely surrounded Janos. He was shackled to the floor with heavy chains. Janos' body was covered in bruises and half-healed cuts. He wearily raised his head, but he was too delirious to see us.

Vorador jerked his hand away from the shield and asked, "How do we get him out of there?"

Without knowing what I would pull out, I reached into my backpack. I recognized this latest gadget as a tazer. Experimentally, I pressed the button and held it against the shield. With a shock of power that left spots in front of my eyes, the shield collapsed.

Vorador immediately ran to Janos' side and supported his weight, murmuring words of encouragement. Kain brought the ginsu down through the shackles. The blade cut down into the floor and cleanly snapped off.

Raziel had been keeping watch at the door. "We've got a problem," he said as he backed into the room.

An angry mob of hylden crowded the hallway. There was a tense moment as they angrily hissed at us. Knowing that Vorador would not be able to use it, Kain took his sword. At some imperceptible signal, Raziel and Kain simultaneously leapt into the horde and began slashing through the hylden.

I reached into my backpack and pulled out an odd gun. I did my best to roar angrily as I opened fire on the hylden opposite of where Kain and Raziel were cutting through their ranks. My gun sounded with an odd 'paft' and bright splotches of pink paint appeared on the hylden. Fortunately, the surprise factor did much to delay them.

Soon, our way was clear, and we went pelting through the hallways with a wave of hylden behind us. The next thing to come out of my backpack was alive and heavy. I flung it at the hylden and winced at the snarling bark. The hylden were not quick enough in running away, so they had to contend with the whirl of claws and tangerine fur.

We hit a dead end, and even I could hear that there still were hylden on our tails.

"Now what?" Raziel demanded.

"Death would be preferable to being caught again," Janos wheezed quietly.

"Don't talk that way," I said as I noticed a familiar symbol spray-painted onto one of the panels set into the wall. "Open this."

Raziel punched his powerful claws into the metal panel and ripped it out of the wall. A powerful wind sucked all five of us into the chute beyond, and we tumbled through space. We all landed ungracefully back in the meadow.

"What was that?" Kain demanded.

"A plothole," I said, painfully standing and rubbing my bruised posterior. "I was getting kinda sick of that place, but I couldn't figure out how to escape."

Kain was enough of a literary to know what I was talking about. He dismissed the topic with a disgusted wave of his talon.

"He needs blood," Vorador was kneeling with Janos' head cradled in his lap.

I tossed a plastic packet of blood from my backpack to Vorador, who opened it and let the blood trickle slowly into Janos' mouth.

"What was that creature you threw at the hylden?" Raziel asked.

"I'm not sure. Nothing from my world has fur that color, though the orangutan comes close," I said with a nervous giggle. "It could've been a hyena, or a wolverine, or even a Tasmanian devil. All I know is that it had a mean temper and by now it probably has a taste for hylden flesh."

Janos had finished the blood pack and was now sitting groggily on the ground. I tossed another to him and offered one to each of the vampires. Vorador quietly reassured Janos in between sips from his pack.

I apologized to Raziel for having nothing to offer him, but he dismissed my concerns with a wave of his talons. He had fed well enough in the demon dimension and wouldn't need to hunt for several hours.

I dug through my backpack for something that I could eat, but all I could get out of it were bags of cookies, cans of soda pop, and bottles of beer. Not having a good tolerance for sugar when I was hungry, I left the bags of cookies scattered around me and cracked open a bottle of beer. It wasn't cold, but dark beer tastes fine as long as it isn't too warm.

"Is it finally over?" Janos asked hauntedly.

"I can't guarantee that you'll never have another problem, but you won't have to endure any more trials," I promised him.

Janos seemed to stare right through me. His skin reflected his improved health, but his eyes were hollow as if his spirit was broken. I feared that he'd finally endured too much, and that Janos would never recover.

We were all silently watching the seraph's odd behavior. He groggily cast his gaze around. He picked up a bag of cookies and muttered, "I have the strangest craving."

"Janos," Vorador protested as he reached for the cookies. A low growl from Janos made him hesitate.

"What have you done to him?" Vorador demanded of me.

I simply shrugged. "I didn't do it. So he likes cookies now. They won't hurt him."

"It's undignified," Vorador argued.

"I do not mind one bit," Janos muttered as he took another bite.

That effectively killed the argument.

"What's coming next?" Kain asked.

"I don't know. Give me some time to think," I said before taking another drink of beer.


	4. Interlude

Varyssa: Not asking yourself "What would Moebius do," is perfectly acceptable, don't feel bad. (grin) Her backpack is based off of a bag that's been around for at least twenty years. The difference between hers and mine is that mine _never_ has anything that I don't remember putting into it, as opposed to my winter coat, which constantly surprises me with what I find in the pockets.

I'm not really happy with this section. You can probably skip it until you get confused, unless you get bored.

20050713 Disclaimer: I'm not taking responsibility for any of this.

* * *

The horizon once again was blank, the cliff that shielded Nosgoth from the meadow was gone. A large concrete block was the only feature of this grassy but desolate place. 

Janos was exhausted from his ordeal, so we decided to sit around and let him sleep. I set up a heavy canopy to provide some shade. Vorador and Kain agreed to set aside their differences for another day; they were deeply engrossed in a game of chess.

Raziel was currently occupying his time by quizzing me on what was likely to happen. By some of the strange situations, I imagine that he was spouting off every weird idea that entered his head.

"What about restoring my appearance?" Raziel finally asked.

I sighed and said, "I have a feeling that we'll find a way to give you an appearance you can be comfortable with, but it won't be easy."

"Do you know how?" Raziel pressed.

I winced and shook my head. "I know that there are several possibilities, but my brain goes all fuzzy when I try to focus in on them."

Raziel slashed at the ground, leaving deep gouges in the sod and scattering dirt.

The clattering of scattered chess pieces drew my attention. I couldn't tell if it was Kain or Vorador that had knocked the board away, but their truce was definitely over.

"I expect that you want me to stop them again," Raziel commented wearily.

"Don't bother," I muttered. "Maybe they'll knock some sense into each other."

Janos emerged from the tent with a yawn. He seemed to have regained much of his strength, though his hair and feathers were tousled. He frowned as he watched Kain and Vorador alternate between casting spells and physically attacking one another.

"Vorador never reacts well to loss," Janos sighed sadly, speaking of Umah. "Still, I fear he may now be outmatched."

As Janos stepped forward to break up the fight, Raziel lunged to help him. Vorador grudgingly submitted as soon as Janos' talons grabbed his shoulders, but Kain still struggled even as Raziel pinned his arms from behind.

"You've no right to interfere," Kain snarled.

In a fit of rage, he broke Raziel's hold and slammed his fist into the wraith's temple. Raziel hit the ground hard, but was on his feet again in a second. It didn't matter, Kain's fit of temper was over.

Raziel glared angrily and said suddenly, "I'm tired of this." He raised his arms and dissolved into a cloud of luminous blue ash.

"Oh dear," I muttered ardently.

"What's wrong?" Kain asked, picking up on the intensity of my words.

"I usually try to keep him out of the spectral realm," I fretted. "I don't think I planned for him to go there without a reason."

All three vampires stared at me blankly. "I don't think that he can get out," I explained. "I'll go get him."

With a complete lack of dramatic gestures, I phased into the spectral realm. The nearby block twisted at a disturbing angle, but the rest of the meadow seemed unchanged. Raziel looked at me in surprise. From his perspective, several minutes would have passed.

"How did you get here?" Raziel asked in surprise.

"Authoress powers," I shrugged. "I can do what's necessary when the time comes."

Raziel's expression cycled through a moment of confusion before he remarked. "There aren't any corpses that I can see, or portals for that matter."

"That's going to be a problem," I said as I grabbed Raziel's arm. The world righted itself as the light warmed. I buried my head against Raziel's shoulder as I was overcome with a wave of vertigo.

"What's wrong?" Raziel asked, neither pushing me away or offering additional support.

"Dizzy," I muttered. "I don't belong there." I clutched at Raziel's scarf as I fought a surge of nausea.

Finally, he brought his claws up to embrace my shoulders in an awkward gesture of comfort. I don't think he realized quite how sick I was. I simply leaned against his shoulder until my discomfort abated.

"Where were you?" Janos asked eventually.

Raziel waffled uncomfortably, but I sighed, "We were always right here, you just couldn't see us." Raziel simply shrugged as Janos looked to him for confirmation.

"Hillary?" Raziel asked. When I didn't respond, he repeated himself.

"Huh?" I finally asked.

"You don't respond to your own name," Raziel observed.

"I haven't had it long. The author wouldn't let me share the real one." I said shamefully. "It sounds too convenient and strange not to be made up."

"Why Hillary, then?" Raziel asked.

"It's from a movie," I explained. "There was a guy that lived in a place that was emptier than this," I explained, gesturing as the monotonus grasses. "His name was Jeremy Hillary Boob Phd. He believed that he was a master of everything, but he was barely good at anything. There was only one person who believed in him, the rest just called him 'Boob.'"

"Are you like that?" Raziel questioned.

"I like to believe that I'm not so pathetic. I admit that I'm not especially good at any one thing, and may spread my talents a bit too thin, but I do care about refining a few of my better skills." I shook myself out of the depressing reverie and offered a hand. "Smoke Z. Dimensia, at your service."

"What I wanted to talk to you about," Raziel told me, ignoring my hand. "I don't want to become trapped again."

I hummed musingly as I pulled a folded piece of paper out of my pocket. It contained all the cheat codes from Soul Reaver. I tapped at the "shift at will" ability as I thought about how to give it to Raziel.

"Do you ever think about anything but sex and violence?" I suddenly yelled at Vorador.

"Stay out of my head, witch," Vorador sneered angrily.

"I can't help it," I muttered.

"But you can refrain from saying anything," Janos pointed out diplomatically.

I sighed as I folded up the cheat codes and stuck them back in my pocket. "Well, Raziel, I don't have an immediate answer to this problem. I don't want you to get trapped, so you probably won't be, but just try to stay out of the spectral realm for now."

"I thought you could do whatever you needed to," Raziel argued.

"I'm not the author, just an avatar. It's the author that ultimately decides what happens to us." I dejectedly rested my head in my hands. "It has something to do with those blocks. I can't tell if they're the source of my power, or a seal that keeps me from having full status. It doesn't matter, they'll always be one close by."

Raziel critically eyed the block. After a moment, he stabbed his claws through the cement and tried to move it. The block wouldn't give at first, it was too firmly embedded in the sod, but then Raziel managed to flip it onto its side. A large spiny tenticle burst out of the ground and slapped Raziel down before withdrawing again.

"They're dangerous," I warned, just realizing that fact myself.


	5. Drunken Vampires Part 1

Disclaimer: If you missed the interlude, you're not missing much. Oh, and I don't own the vampires.

* * *

"I don't care if you have no interest in what I want to do," I protested angrily as we trudged through the tall grasses. "I need to find some food." 

"It seems strange that you would have anything else we would need in there, including more weapons than could possibly fit into such a bag, yet it suddenly fails you now," Kain pointed out.

"Standard theories about how it's larger on the outside than it is on the inside," I muttered. My brain was begging to fog from lack of calories. "It only has what it needs to have in it. But having food would makes things too easy."

"Easier than finding a pub in the middle of nowhere?" Raziel questioned from ahead of us.

We topped a rise to find a squat building sitting in the middle of the field. It seemed perfectly ordinary, except that it had a red florescent sign that read, "Lovecraft's."

"You will get your food and we will then search for a way to return to Nosgoth," Kain commanded.

"This is coming from a guy who died while trying to get a drink." My insult was softened by the disinterested tone of my voice.

"I drink only one thing now," Kain growled adamantly.

"Okay, I'm not going to interfere with your feeding habits, but if you're going to snack on the patrons, try not to cause a scene," I said.

As we entered the bar, I suddenly realized that I was the oddity and the vampires would blend right in. Werewolves, vampires, and humanoid demons populated the tables. A zombie was on a stage against the wall, doing a fair karaoke of Queen's "Under Pressure."

We all sat at an empty table near the wall. I felt glad that I was at least wearing dark colors. The vampires seemed at ease; Kain's earlier insistence was all but forgotten.

A waitress came by and looked at us critically. Her flesh was gray with a translucent quality, and I guessed that she was a well-preserved zombie. "I'll need to see some id, sweetie," she said to me. Her eyes lit up in vague surprise when she saw my creative license, but she said, "Alright, everything's on the Author's tab, then. I'm guessing you'll be having the formaldehyde, and you two will be wanting Bloody Joes," she said, pointing to Raziel, and then Vorador and Kain. She hesitated when she came to Janos.

"I'll have what they're having," Janos said.

"Formaldehyde?" Raziel questioned. "Why would I want that?"

"Real alcohol will rot your guts," the waitress said. She stared at Raziel again and remarked, "I think you would have figured that out by now."

I gently laid my hand on Raziel's arm, though I was hesitant about his reaction to the symbolic restraint. His only act was to relax slightly, an indication that he'd let the waitress be for the moment.

When the waitress turned to me, I said, "Get him something good, and I want something with raspberry liquor in it. And do you have any food here?"

The waitress nodded and left us alone for the moment. The zombie on stage tried to launch into another song, but a succubus wearing nothing but a thong shoved him off. The zombie stumbled, and his leg broke, pitching him off the stage to land in a contorted mass. His buddies helped him off the ground and carried him back to his table.

The succubus onstage swayed hypnotically as she belted out a song that I only knew because my parents liked it. Janos, Kain, and Vorador were ogling her naked breasts with unmasked fascination. Raziel sat and moped, still upset over what the waitress said to him. Raziel was also thinking about how painful it was to fantasize over the beautiful creature onstage.

The waitress returned. The Bloody Joes were red and viscous, obviously some cocktail with real blood in it. Raziel's drink was smoky and blue, I couldn't place the name of the drink, but it looked fairly typical. Mine was clear and it came in a martini glass. The waitress also brought me a platter full of fried mushrooms, potato skins, and mozzarella sticks.

Raziel stared sullenly at his drink. I pulled a crazy straw out of my backpack and plopped it into the blue concoction. Raziel glared at me for a full minute until he started fiddling with the straw.

I grabbed a wickedly sharp fork from the platter and stabbed a fried mushroom. I was a little critical of the food here; the demon at the next table was snacking on toasted mice. After a bit of thought, I popped the mushroom into my mouth and sighed in relief at how normal it tasted.

Raziel made a weird sucking noise, and I turned to see the straw pop out of his scarf as he wheezed in surprise. Raziel grasped at where his throat would be as he coughed weakly. He recovered quickly, and silently gave me the thumbs up as he fiddled with the straw again.

Janos and Vorador stared at Raziel in horror as he once again resumed sucking noisily at his drink. Kain glared daggers at me, though I could tell that he was disturbed as well. Raziel's sucking noises gradually died away as he mastered the art of drinking through a straw.

The night wore on as the vampires contentedly went through rounds of drinks like someone else was buying them. I yawned through an alcoholic haze as I contemplated were Raziel was putting it all; he didn't even have the mass to displace that much liquid, much less contain it.

Janos suddenly stood up from the table and weaved his way to the stage. His cheeks were flushed with the amount of booze-tainted blood he had downed.

Janos almost fell backward off the stage, but the she-wolf that had just finished singing managed to push him forward. Janos grinned inanely at her, and she returned his grin coyly. Janos managed to collect his wits, but dispensed with the karaoke machine. He began mangling some song that wasn't even in English.

"You're tone-deaf," Vorador complained when Janos returned to the table.

"Y'know, that's the literal translation of the word karaoke," I slurred.

"Perhaps you should try," Janos chuckled.

"No," I vowed.

"Your turn," Kain grinned as he picked me up by the scruff of the neck.

I shrieked as I grabbed at Kain's arm. He was in a rare mood, and only smirked as I hung from his grip and made futile protests.

Kain flung me onto the stage, and I froze in fear. I knew my own voice, and there were very few songs that I could pull off. A quick glance around the room confirmed that I was the only living human present. I knew at this point I would draw more attention by backing down.

I selected a song titled, "Why did you mess with Forever." It wasn't popular, but it also wasn't very hard to sing. I knew that if I wasn't careful, my voice would either crack or dissolve into a pained howl. At least with this one, I wouldn't be as tempted to randomly change octaves. I resolved to skip the melodic yodels and let the music fill the space.

As I sung, part of me wanted to sink into my drunken haze; my trick to public speaking had always been to retreat into my own world. Now, I allowed myself to be aware of the audience, but many of them were ignoring me. In this case, I did not mind the lack of attention.

When I was finished singing, I lurched to the table and gulped down my chocolate-raspberry martini shakily. Janos leaned his head heavily on his arm, seemingly in a trance. Raziel had finally passed out, his forehead resting on the table. Kain and Vorador were talking as I weren't there, and they were making fun of me.

I was getting sleepy, and I didn't care. I made a mental note to make those two suffer later, but for now I let my head sink to rest on my folded arms.


	6. Drunken Vampires Part 2

Varyssa: Ack, I think I need to pay attention to things like Kain smiling. Oh well, he was torturing his traveling companion, so he had a reason. With the allowableness of randomosity, (dear squid, now I'm using words that don't even sound real,) I imagine that Kain will break into song at some point. Congratulations on finding the fiver.

Razielim Vampiress: The bad part is that I've got a positively pornographic image of exactly what that looks like. (Up close and personal under his cowl type image.)

Meitantei Kudo KID: I'm glad I wasn't wrong about "Interlude" passing the eyebleed test. Beatles rock.

RockyShoreline: This fic is going everywhere that my imagination takes me. As for the skill in potraying drunkeness, it's all about writing what you know. (Comtemplative pause) I think I'd rather know Kung-Fu.

20050715 Disclaimer: You know the drill.

* * *

I woke up groggily, trying to remember where I was. My eyes flew open as I became aware of the itchy texture of the grass against my naked stomach. I slowly levered myself to my knees and sat back on my feet. Not only were my clothes missing, but my backpack as well. 

Kain, Janos, and Vorador were all as naked as I was. Kain had his arms crossed over his chest, but otherwise he hid his slight discomfort well. Vorador seemed as if he was completely comfortable being naked. Janos was doing nothing to hide himself, but he was muttering some spell under his breath. Raziel must have still been unconscious because I couldn't see him.

Noticing that I was awake, Kain growled, "Where are our clothes?"

"I have no idea," I said. I did not want to stand up. Fortunately, Kain respected my space. "I really don't like this."

Though I did not stare, I could see the vampires out of the corners of my eyes. I could tell that they weren't really looking at me, either. Well, Vorador did check me out, but he quickly cast his gaze away in disappointment.

"Where's Raziel?" Janos questioned in concern.

"He's behind that block," Kain gestured. He still had the ability to sense his son as long as he stayed in the physical realm.

"Raziel, are you all right?" Janos questioned as he walked towards the block.

"I'm naked." Raziel's voice was dejected.

"We're all naked," Janos assured him, "and you don't wear much… Dear God!" Janos hastily retreated from the unexpected sight of Raziel's face.

"He really needed to hear that from you," I muttered sarcastically. I could sense Raziel's embarrassment and shame. Putting my own modesty aside, I climbed on top of the stone block. I could only see the top of Raziel's head, and right now it was bent forward. "Look, Raziel, Janos was just surprised, that's all. You know how he gets when anything unexpected happens."

Raziel tilted his head slightly. It was like he had started to turn towards me and then remembered that his cowl was missing. "Just leave me alone."

A loud whistling sound ended with a crash behind me. I dove forward in fright and landed in Raziel's lap. I paid no attention to Raziel as I roughly pushed away from him and peered over the top of the block.

"What was that?" Raziel asked.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. All I could think of was something large and inanimate falling from the sky. Slowly, I became aware of Raziel's gaze. "What are you staring at?"

"I've never seen a woman with so much…" He stopped when I fixed him with an accusatory glare. Raziel's throat muscles contracted in an approximation of a nervous swallow. "…beauty."

I liked seeing drawings where Raziel was unmasked, but I decided right then that he was as hideous in person as he seemed to believe. I spared his feelings and hid my thoughts on it by focusing on how he had been about to call me fat.

"I'm going to find out what that was, and you're coming with me," I insisted as I stood up and grabbed Raziel's talons.

Raziel's eyes grew wide in panic as I slowly dragged him to his feet. He was much stronger than me, but I was more than twice his weight and strength means nothing without leverage. He dug his feet into the ground, but I stubbornly pulled harder and his hooves ripped through the sod.

After a minute of this, I decided that I had tortured him enough and released his claws. Raziel clumsily stumbled backward and tripped on his wing. He hit the ground with an undignified flop and lied motionless.

The three vampires were staring at a large wooden chest. It had dented the ground when it landed, but it was still intact. "Be careful, it might be a mimic," I quipped nervously as I came up behind them.

"That symbol was on the plot hole," Kain pointed out.

I looked at the design etched into the lid of the chest. It looked like the blood script 'M' with an extra diagonal line in the lower part. "Okay, so it's mine."

Vorador pulled on the lid experimentally. "How do you open it?"

"I don't know," I said, crouching down to examine it. "That symbol is left over from an old penname, all the letters are on top of one another." I traced a runic 'S' over the symbol, and the trunk unlocked with a loud clunk. I realized that I had just added the two necessary lines to change the old symbol to match my current name.

The trunk was filled Wild West costumes. Kain wound up with a typical pair of black jeans, a red shirt, a light brown vest, and a light brown cowboy hat. Vorador wore a top hat and a tight black jacket that looked like it would belong to a bank owner. Not finding a shirt necessary, Janos settled on a pair of fringed leather pants typical to a 'wild injan.'

I had my choice between a black dress with red lace and a bustle, or a more practical outfit with a split skirt. After I put on the more sensible outfit, I grabbed some spare clothes and brought them to Raziel.

"Here ya go, blue boy," I said as I blindly threw the clothes over the block. I heard Raziel give off a small grunt of surprise, but he didn't say anything.

A few minutes later, Raziel emerged. His face was covered with a large red bandana, and his angry glare was magnified by the shadows of his black hat. He too had dispensed with a shirt, but he had a pair of black jeans slung around his hips.


	7. Drunken Vampires Part 3

Varyssa: There's actually a fanart peice called, "OMG, no pants" that I think you'd love. I didn't realize Janos was being insesitive so much as being too shocked to be tactful. He practically said, 'what the hell happened to you' the first time he saw Raziel. 

RockyShoreline: I actually made a minor alteration to this chapter. (grin) When I first read the your review, I thought I had said something wrong. I hope that I didn't offend you, my comment was only directed at my seldom-sober state.

20050721 Disclaimer: Any true LOK fan knows who they belong to. I'm not happy with this chapter.

* * *

We had been walking for what seemed like hours with no new ideas on how to return to Nosgoth. The empty grasslands were starting to mess with my head, and my western outfit was itchy. From the disgruntled comments from the vampires, I guessed they were suffering as well. 

The opportunity came when we finally found a shady place to rest. It was difficult to keep track of time in this place; the sun simply traveled randomly through the sky.

I had found a tomato plant and managed to eat my fill. It was mildly disgusting to eat them naked and raw, but my options were limited.

"Those things are poisonus," Kain insisted in shock. "I had a great-aunt that died from eating a tomato."

"They're fine," I argued. "You came from a rich family that ate off of pewter plates, right?" I asked.

"That was the fashion at the time," Kain nodded.

"Pewter has lead in it, and lead is a neurotoxin," I explained. "Normally, you're fine, but acidic foods like tomatoes leech the lead out."

Kain's lip curled in thought as he considered my explanation. However, I was on a roll. "The funny thing is that sometimes people don't actually die of lead poisoning, and they wake up after a few days. The trouble is that it's really hard to tell that they're not dead, and they get buried alive. There's a whole history about that."

"Which I have no interest in hearing," Kain insisted. His voice was just a little too loud and forceful.

Silently, I levered myself onto the ever-present block and began distractedly kicking my feet against it.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Raziel asked, still remembering the last incident.

"These things are sturdier than they look," I said distractedly, my boots still hammering against the unyielding stone.

"This is pointless," Vorador spat. "There's no way to tell if we're even traveling in a straight line." As if to illustrate his point, the sun suddenly sank to the horizon and raced completely along its edge.

"Or if the landscape is changing to keep us here," I added pessimistically.

"Then what do you suggest?" Kain asked.

I licked my lips. "Hey Raziel, try pushing this block aside."

"Why should I?" Raziel demanded angrily.

"Because you're an expert at pushing large stone blocks," I insisted as I jumped down.

"I am not going to do it," Raziel adamantly crossed his arms over his chest.

I cast my gaze at each of the vampires. They had all seen what happened last time, and were unwilling to risk it happening to them.

"Vorador, you were the one complaining about how walking around is pointless," I reminded him.

Vorador laid his ears back and bared his fangs at me in response. With a sigh, I put my shoulder against the stone and tried to push it aside. Naturally, it didn't budge.

Kain bodily pulled me away from the block and asked, "Why are you doing this?"

"Lack of any better ideas," I said bluntly.

Kain frowned as he began pushing on the block. Suddenly, he was hit in the face with my backpack as our clothing flew around him in a colorful explosion.

I leapt and caught Raziel's caplet out of the air. "You're not getting this back because you wouldn't push the block," I laughed as I ran away with the flag waving in the air behind me.

Seconds later, I was sliding along the ground, feeling as if I had just been hit with a small truck. I laid perfectly still as Raziel retrieved his scarf from my stunned fingers and slowly trudged away.

"I think you killed her," Janos' voice sounded above me.

Groggily, I flipped onto my back and groaned, "I deserved that."

Janos gently lifted me and carried me back to the block. He offered no words of agreement or dispute as to what I deserved.

I winced as Janos set me down. There were grass stains on the top of my boot. Comparing those with the way that I fell only meant that my ankle had bent at an unnatural angle when Raziel knocked me down, and that I was lucky that my ankle wasn't broken.

I limped behind the block where I could change into my simple clothes of loose-fitting black jeans and a black t-shirt with the siloette of a wolf printed on it. Kain and Vorador had already changed into their proper outfits. Raziel adjusted his cowl; he kept the pants and dispensed with his shin and arm guards.

Janos simply folded his old clothes and shoved them into my backpack. "I prefer these," he explained, indicating the fringed leather pants.

"Would you like a shirt?" I asked as I accepted my backpack from him. At his nod, I fished around and pulled out a patterned tunic with slits to accommodate his wings.

"Where does that lead?" Kain asked me, speaking of the staircase that had been hidden under the block.

"Another plot hole, probably," I shrugged. "It had our clothes in it, so it's probably something good, and not the lair of some hideous monster."

And so it was with some trepidation that we descended that stair into the dark, dank, underground.


	8. Lair of the Monster

This file was last messed with in September of 2005. I think that date refferrs to a random tweak, and the chapter really stalled out in August. **_I'm Sorry!_** I haven't made any changes to this file.

* * *

The stairway lead into an underground tunnel. Though Kain used a spell to light the way, I still relied on the vampires to make up for my poor vision. I unabashedly admitted that I was afraid of the dark and told Janos to take up the rear. After several twists and turns, we finally emerged into a cavern lit with a natural blue glow.

I gasped and backed up against Janos as I saw the shadow of a tentacle squirming against the wall. After a brief experiment, I found that I could only see it through my weaker left eye.

"What is that?" Janos asked.

"You can see that? But…" I suddenly realized that Janos must have been struck several times with the purified Reaver as he was fighting with Raziel. "It's a parasitic monster."

Kain and Raziel were already in the center of the chamber, staring in hatred at the Elder God's largest eye. Vorador only frowned in confusion, staying quiet as he recognized that he was a minority in not seeing anything.

"I put you down once, I shall do it again!" Kain bellowed in rage.

"Just go away," the squid whined, shielding his main eye behind a writhing mass of tentacles.

"You defeated it?" Raziel asked Kain.

"I hurt it, but only because your sacrifice allowed me to see it and provided me with a weapon that could wound it," Kain murmered, his pride towards Raziel evident in his voice.

The squid shifted again, trying to draw his main eye into his bulk. I hesitantly stepped forward, sensing an odd queasiness emanating from its slimy mass. "He's hungover," I remarked quietly, not wishing to provoke it.

"Leave me be," the squid growled, his tentacles bunching around him.

"He's what?" Raziel asked in confusion.

"He is, he's hungover," I repeated. I poked Raziel playfully in the ribs. "He admitted to being your stomach."

Raziel stared at me, a disgusted frown etching his eyebrows.

Growing sick of our presence, the squid lashed out with a tentacle and shouted, "Leave!"

Raziel pushed me out of the way. As the squid drew back for another blow, Kain turned to me and said, "I need the Soul Reaver."

I fished around in my backpack, but I came up empty. "I can't."

"Try again," Kain growled as he was forced to dodge another tentacle.

I concentrated and reached into my backpack again. This time, my hand closed on the hilt of a sword. I spared a quick glance and froze in surprise at seeing a comically stylized skull. I released the sword back into my backpack and shook my head in defeat.

"It's no use," I yelled. "Let's just get out of here."

Raziel continued to guard me from tentacle strikes as we ran back out into the tunnel. Kain followed close behind. Janos had already pulled Vorador out of the cavern when the squid started to squirm.

"You did have something in your backpack," Raziel pointed out to me.

"That was a sword someone made as an imitation Reaver. They did such a bad job that it's an insult," I mumbled in embarrassment. "I call it the Cheese Sword."

An awkward silence followed. I could feel the horrified stares of the vampires, however they didn't push the matter further.

We continued walking. Vorador and Janos were having a muted conversation, while Kain seemed lost in thought.

"Why does Kain remember more than I do?" Raziel asked me quietly.

"It's just the moment when you left your real story to be a part of mine," I shrugged. "I'm afraid that there's very little rhyme or reason in any of this."

"I do not like that I am missing memories," Raziel muttered.

"The difference isn't much," I mumbled sadly.

"What am I missing?" Raziel asked.

"Just the acceptance of your end, and the reasons why you stopped fighting," I replied dully. I blinked as I felt my eyes grow misty.

"Tell me," Raziel insisted.

"I don't think I understand it," I argued. "I think that you might've figured out how to stop the squid, and you were willing to give up your freedom to hurt it."

Raziel stared at me critically. "Do you really think that it can be stopped?"

"There is hope," I remarked whistfully.

"Is that all?" Raziel asked in dissapointment.

"Are you asking me if he'll always been in this reality, or in the one that you're used to?" I asked.

"Is there a difference?" Raziel asked.

"I honestly don't know if he'll be gone from the real Nosgoth," I grudgingly admitted, "but I think that he'll stick around in this universe for a while longer, though now he's just an overgrown squid instead if a psuedo-deity."

Raziel growled softly at this news. "Tell me everything you know about my missing memories."

With weary resign, I laid a hand on Raziel's shoulder and stopped walking. He naturally turned to face me. Before he could ask what I was doing, I pressed a finger to his forehead and called on my authoress powers.

Raziel's eyes widened in shock as he suddenly remembered his last minutes of freedom. I drew my hand away and tried to massage the feeling back into it. Raziel crumpled and clutched at his chest.

Raziel recovered quickly, as I knew he would. His eyes blazed as he adjusted to the new knowledge. "He must be completely destroyed," Raziel insisted.

I did not answer him. We both could see that it would not be as easy as Raziel made it sound. My powers were limited, and the squid was overwhelmingly enormous. I left it to Raziel to think how to eliminate it.

Walking through the underground tunnels had the same monotony as wandering through the empty field. The only difference was the darkness and the possibility of walking into a wall.

Eventually, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel. I followed it eagerly, tired of the darkness and excited at what lay ahead.


	9. In Space

20060516

No, I'm not back, not officially. This idea is from last year, but nothing was written down. The fire's gone.

Btw, I'm making a gap-leap. SIAT was meant to be non-linear after a certain point. This happens after all the chapters that I've written so far, but they've had some adventures that I never thought about.

* * *

"Are you sure it is wise to leave without Vorador?" Janos questioned.

"It's a house of ill repute, one that caters to unusual needs," I answered. "He probably couldn't be happier."

"That's not what I mean," Janos insisted. At my blank look, he added, "If we split up, how are we to find each other again?"

"We'll all end up where we need to," I assured Janos. "Besides, places like Lovecraft's and The Mystic Bordello are..." I hesitated, unable to adequately explain. "We'd be able to find our way back to them if the situation calls for them."

Kain and Raziel were waiting when we reached the brothel's front gate. One of the gateposts was an intricately carved writer's block, the other post was a normal stone carved to match.

"Where do you suppose the next plot hole will take us?" Kain asked, a hint of impatience creeping into his voice.

I sighed in resignation, "I doubt that this time will be the one."

We had been hopping through plot holes and wandering across worlds for long enough that I had lost track of time, (though my sense of time was so poor to begin with that only a week might have passed.) I sensed that the vampires were getting tired of it. I imagined that they wished, through all our adventures, that we would end up somewhere useful. I couldn't be sure if Dorado was really leaving us for that reason, or if he was just temporarily distracted by the temptations of the flesh.

I yelped in surprise as I emerged from the plot hole into thin air. It took me a brief moment to realize that there was no gravity. In the time before Janos realized this, he had already tried to counteract gravity with a powerful stroke of his wings, causing him to hit the ceiling hard enough to knock himself unconscious.

We were floating in a long metal hallway. Raziel had the fortune to rest against the wall. Kain, however, seemed to be genuinely uncomfortable with his inability to touch anything solid. With a bit of stretching, I was able to hook the wall with my foot and propel myself into a more stable position.

"Get me down," Kain demanded. Though there wasn't anything approaching fear or panic in his voice, his tone had lost its assured edge.

"There is no down," I told him as I launched myself at him.

I pulled my arms and legs in to protect myself, but my teeth still rattled as I collided with Kain's solid body. By a stroke of luck, I had used just the right amount of force; Kain came to rest against the wall while I slowly drifted after him.

"What is this place?" Raziel asked as he cautiously worked his way along the wall.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I'd guess that we're probably in outer space."

Janos groaned as he drifted back into consciousness. This time, he figured out that he was not actually falling, and therefore was content to simply drift in midair. I explained what little I knew about micro gravity and how to move around in it. With a bit of practice, we all figured it out well enough to explore.

The corridors were featureless, and so I drew on the wall at every junction. It was meaningless graffiti, except that it gave each explored hallway a distinguishing mark. Eventually, we came upon an airlock. I pushed myself to a tiny window in the hatch and stared out.

The darkness of space stared back at me. The stars shone with a hard, unwavering light. Scattered among the backdrop of the void were odd objects. It took me a moment to realize that they were exactly like the places that we had been wandering.

It was a disconcerting sight, islands of reality hovering isolated from one another. It reminded me of the few instances in video games when the character would end up outside of the level. I drew back from the window so that the others could have a look.

There were times when I was almost convinced that I was made of polygons, but those usually happened after playing low-res games for more than six hours at a stretch. I stared at my hand for a moment, then at my three traveling companions. Everything looked real. I pushed that train of thought away, as I figured that someone who was actually made of triangles wouldn't have the ability to tell.

Kain turned away from the porthole and asked, "Does this tell you how we are supposed to get home?"

I drifted back to the window and stared at the surrealistic scene. "We're going to have to wait for another plot hole, or something even more convenient." I focused on the backdrop of stars and examined the direction in which they seemed to be drifting. "Whatever we're in, it's spinning. If we head away from the center, we'll at least be able to walk around, unless you like floaty-time."

We did eventually make our way to where the centrifugal force was enough to hold us to the floor. Luckily, I still had my backpack with its never ending supply of blood bags. At some point, my backpack had also gained juice pouches, though I sipped at mine hesitantly with the paranoia that one would contain blood or something equally unpleasant.

Raziel was out of luck as far as getting sustenance from my backpack. Instead, he had to hunt for himself. It was easier for him once he had learned how to get out of the spectral realm with only his force of will. The trade off was that it taxed his energies to return to the physical realm in that way.

Almost immediately after Raziel dropped into the spectral realm, Kain's eyes grew wide in panic. "Something is wrong," he snapped before running towards the nearest airlock.

"He's out there," Kain hissed as we caught up with him. His breath steamed against the airlock's window as he stared through it.

Though my eyes weren't as good as Kain's, I could just make out a patch of blue against one of the asteroids that was part of the space station.

"I'm going after him," Kain said as he pulled at the hatch that held the airlock closed.

"You can't go out there," I yelled at him. "Your fluids would boil."

I grabbed a spacesuit off of the wall and began trembling. There was no way that it would fit Kain, and for Janos it was out of the question. I would have to go. I began whimpering as I realized that I didn't know anything about safety checks on a spacesuit. With all the other possible dangers, going out there would be suicide. But even if I could dismiss my conscience about leaving Raziel in the cold nothingness of space, Kain would not let me back down.

As I wriggled into the suit, reality seemed to shift slightly around me. Suddenly, the part of me that was afraid seemed very far away. Walking in space seemed as mundane as walking in a park. Kain stared at me, strangely calm considering the situation.

"I am not going out there simply to retrieve a dead body," I insisted before buckling on my helmet.

My assuredness dissolved as I stepped out of the airlock. I was alone with the void. The sheer scope and silence was overwhelming, yet at the same time I had to cope with the claustrophobic tightness of my suit and the deafening loudness of my ragged gasps.

I remembered that I had been calm only moments ago, confident that I could do this. 'Panic will kill you,' I told myself. I focused on Raziel's crumpled form, now more distinct as I drifted towards him.

Raziel was clinging to the asteroid, his talons firmly wedged into the rock. His wings were crumpled and useless in the vacuum, and his body was covered with a phosphorous blue frost.

I called out to Raziel before I remembered that he wouldn't be able to hear me. I came to rest against the rock and gently tried to pull him away. Raziel's body was stiff, like a dead thing. His eyes were frozen shut and he didn't respond to my touch.

I cradled his head against my helmet and said, "Raziel, I have you. Please let go of the rock."

He seemed to be beyond hearing. I had been so sure when I said I wasn't going out to retrieve a body, like a divine statement. I tried again to pull Raziel away from the rock, but he was stuck firm. Slowly, I reached to my belt and pulled off a tool. I didn't know what it was meant for, but it was sturdy. I struck Raziel's claws, shattering them and releasing him from the rock.

The airlock wasn't even fully pressurized when Kain wrenched open the inner door. He rushed to Raziel's side, anxious about the state of his son. Raziel's joints were already softening in the relative warmth of the airlock, allowing him to lay limp and lifeless on the floor.

Like a gathering storm, Raziel started to rise into consciousness. Then his scream resonated through the entire space station.

Raziel thrashed in agony at the fire in his abused nerves. It took Janos and Kain all of their strength to hold him down. I backed away and held my hands over my ears to block out the sound. There was nothing that any of us could do.

After he had stopped screaming, Raziel lay exhausted in Kain's arms for a long time. It was strange, seeing Kain crouched in concern over his weakened son. The luminous blue substance that served as Raziel's blood had smeared everywhere as he struggled, but now it slowly it faded into nothingness.

"What happened to you?" Kain quietly asked when he judged that Raziel was strong enough to answer.

"This place doesn't exist in the spectral realm. I was falling," Raziel whispered hoarsely. "I don't remember what happened afterwards."

Kain fixed me with a hard stare. "Why didn't you warn him that this could happen?"

"I didn't know," I insisted.

"I think that you know far more than you are telling," Kain snarled.

Our argument was cut short as a plot hole swept across the room, ripping us away and into a new scene. I think that was the first time that a plot hole actually snuck up on us.


	10. The Muse part 1

I don't own the Legacy of Kain. I'm writing this simply because I want review crack. The Mystic Bordello is actually a vauge ripoff of Ursula Vernon's "House of the Red Fireflies" except mine can't handle anything much more exotic than vampires. (ursulav on deviantart)

20060526

This happens right after "In Space"

* * *

I emerged from the plot hole alone. That wasn't so surprising, this wasn't the first time that we had been separated. What was surprising was that I was again in free fall, only this time it wasn't the weightlessness of space, but that of someone who had nothing but empty air between them and the ground.

I was too afraid to scream. I was just coming to grips with how much my collision with the ground would hurt when a dragon gently drifted under me. I wrapped my arms around its long neck, pressed my cheek against its iridescent blue scales, and let it carry me safely to the ground.

Kain had somehow managed to survive the fall, whether with his bat form or glide or some other means, I couldn't tell. Janos was just coming into view when the dragon touched down. Of Raziel, there was no sign.

"Where the hell where you?" I demanded from the dragon. Its only answer was to huff irritably at me.

"What is this?" Janos asked.

"This is my muse, a creative counterpart to guide and advise," I announced with a hint of pride. I turned back to the dragon and growled, "And you were supposed to be with us from the beginning, you overgrown lizard."

The dragon bristled and hissed, but quickly returned to its poised catlike demeanor.

"Where's Raziel?" I asked.

"The wind took him in that direction," Kain pointed.

The dragon took to the air, deciding that he would go find Raziel.

Kain sneered at the empty meadow that tended to punctuate our adventures. "I grow tired of this wandering."

I shuddered. His simple statement seemed innocuous enough, but I could sense the edge of an unimplied threat. "We will return to Nosgoth before your patience runs out," I assured.

Our attention was riveted on a figure striding over the hill. It was Raziel, but he was changed. His wings were restored and folded loosely along his back. His face, too was whole. He was still blue, but his body was full and well-muscled. Even his drape, which he wore around his waist, was restored.

When Raziel came close, his pace slowed. He stared at Kain with a hard look in his eyes. Kain returned the stare with a look that I could only interpret as 'what are you looking at, punk?'

Raziel then turned his stare on me. I couldn't decide exactly what was going on behind his normal, though vaguely luminous eyes. Recognizing the challenge, I said calmly, "I know what you did."

Raziel's eyes flashed. Was he expecting me to be angry? Not wishing to let the conflict drop, he said, "I killed your dragon."

I regarded him, unimpressed. "The Muse is a job description. The dragon offered it to you and you took it."

"I consumed his soul to restore my appearance," Raziel sneered. "Am I to believe that you would not seek reprisal for that?"

Raziel did not know me very well at all. "You cannot kill an idea," I insisted, still calm. I let a sly smile touch my face. "Even if there were anything to be angry about, there's nothing worse that I could do to you. You're my muse now."

I doubt that my voice could carry enough weight to inspire the necessary dread in Raziel. It would be easier on him if he lept back into the Abyss and never returned.

"The Muse's job is to guide and advise?" Janos questioned.

"Yeah," I said as I glanced at Janos, my tight grin relaxing into a genuine smile. His interruption had broken the tension.

I looked at Raziel expectantly to see if his new status had given him any insight that I had missed. He cocked his head in thought and let his cultured mannerism drop as he said, "Nosgoth, thataway."

"What about Vorador?" Janos asked as we followed Raziel through the seemingly endless grasses.

"Can't you summon him?" I asked.

"Though he is my childe, he is not at my beck and call," Janos answered.

I turned back and called to Kain, who was taking up the rear. "Hey, try using the ring."

Kain snarled. "He will simply ignore it."

I sighed in irritation at this problem. Returning to the Mystic Bordello was as possible as I claimed it was, but it was an annoying detour.

Raziel suddenly grabbed me and reached into my pocket. I squeaked and tried to pull away as his talons brushed against my hip. Raziel fished my cell phone out of my pocket and flipped it open. I was surprised to see that it was actually getting a signal out here.

"Giving him one of these would have been useful," Raziel snapped.

Even if it wasn't in the best interests of my health, I could forgive Raziel's irritated attitude. He was still adjusting to the awesome implications of his new status. Just the vast stream of knowledge he now had access to would have been overwhelming.

I staggered as Raziel began fishing around in my backpack. Kain and Janos both winced, they were aware that I was the only one who had any amount of control over what came out of the bag. When ever one of them had tried it, the results were humorous at best and dangerous at worst. Kain had once gotten a bomb that exploded ten seconds later, and the only thing that had saved him were fast reflexes and a strong throwing arm.

Raziel's muse status seemed to have granted him some abilities similar to mine, and when he pulled out his claws, he held four cell phones of an older and more sturdy design than my own. Though the cell phones would have taken care of the problem of contact, it was still necessary to have a place to meet.

As we topped a ridge, a colonial town on the coast came into view. Ships of various descriptions stood moored at the docks, and the town itself seemed prosperous. A wooden wall surrounded most of the town, but its gates were wide open.

"Do you know what we're supposed to do here?" I asked Raziel.

He shook his head slowly. Raziel seemed to be suffering from a migraine, a sign that he had pushed his new powers past their limits.

* * *

(The next one is in the buffer, but it is alone.) 


	11. The Muse part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own LOK

20060531

This one is a bit of random filler, bridging to a chapter that is not only unfinished, but almost got scrapped for failing the eyebleed test. I've actually got a non-SIAT / non-scribble project going.

* * *

When we reached the outskirts of the town, the people regarded the vampires with stares of mistrust.

"There's an abandoned cottage," I said, pointing to a building in the distance. "Wait for me there, I'll be okay."

The people of the town regarded me with suspicion as well. I was a stranger that arrived in the company of vampires, after all. After little more than an hour, I was trudging up the shore to the cottage. I now had a plan and a small basket of cooked crabs.

I sighed as I pulled Vorador's phone out of my pocket. Janos was right, we should not have left him behind. I wish I had at least thought of the cell phones in time. Out of curiosity, I began going through the phone's features. It was already programmed with our numbers. I was mildly surprised to find other numbers programmed into the phone as well, the Mystic Bordello among them.

"I'm looking for Vorador," I said to the lady that answered the phone.

"He is indisposed," the lady purred.

I shuddered as I pushed thoughts of Vorador's endurance out of my mind. "Please give him a message. We have found a way back to Nosgoth and we're waiting for him in Drifton."

After I gave her the complicated coordinates that were Drifton's address, the lady said brightly, "There is a bus that leaves for there this evening. We shall try to put him on it."

As I shoved Vorador's phone back into my pocket, I tried to shake off the strangeness that accompanied any interaction with the Mystic Bordello. I suppose that it was to be expected from a place that was partly magical.

* * *

Raziel flopped in the sand. His chest was heaving with exhaustion.

Janos landed lightly next to him, holding a wind-tattered pennant in one talon. "Giving up so soon?"

"Just wait," Raziel panted. "I'll take it from you yet."

Kain was sitting on the porch, watching the contest with only mild interest. I sat down heavily beside him.

"What have you discovered?" Kain asked.

"There's a ship that will take us to Freeport whenever we're ready to leave," I said. "We should wait for Vorador. He'll catch up with us tonight if he really cares about getting back."

Kain nodded in assent. "I would like a fresh meal before we leave."

"That's going to be a problem," I moaned in a tone that said that I couldn't stop him, but I wouldn't like dealing with the consequences. "I already had enough trouble convincing the sailors that they'd be allowed to return alive."

"Surely there is someone who wouldn't be missed," Kain pointed out.

"It's a tight-knit community," I insisted. "There really aren't any criminals or bums."

Kain made a disgruntled sound at the back of his throat. I could tell that he was trying, but his nature could not be truly suppressed.

I pulled a crab out of the basket and smashed it open with a rock. "I can't believe I'm eating a member of the arachnid family."

"Is there anything that you won't eat?" Kain sneered. "Your own eating habits are less than refined."

I delicately picked a piece of meat out of the shell. "There's lots of things. Worm cheese, for one."

"You've eaten worms," Kain reminded me.

"I was desperate," I shrugged, "and worm cheese is maggots."

* * *

As the sun sunk towards the horizon, the sky blazed bright gold and the clouds streaked a fiery red. The town was bathed in orange light as we four marched back towards it.

Raziel glumly eyed the ragged pennant now looped around Janos' belt. Though the angelic vampire recognized that Raziel was an amateur both at flying and the sport itself, a smug smile graced his lips.

A coach drawn by an elephantine elk-like creature pulled into town just as we arrived. Vorador stumbled down from it, pale-faced and shaken. "It travels between worlds," he hauntedly explained, "and it changes its shape."

We didn't ask him for further explanation; we could see how traumatic it must have been.

Kain strode into the town square, the gathered people parting to let him pass. "We require fresh blood. Give it to us or we shall take it."

"There is no need for violence," one of the men said as he humbly approached Kain. I guessed by his clothing that he was some sort of official. "Please, if you will have a seat, we will accommodate."

The vampires sat at one of the tables outside of the tavern. I hung back, hid my face with my hands, and tried to pretend that I wasn't with them. Large jugs were brought out, and the people of the town lined up. Each one cut themselves and bled into the jugs, giving what they could easily spare. With the whole town contributing, there was enough to sate their appetites.

I did not participate in the contribution. I knew that it would do no good. I could already feel the color draining from my face just by seeing it. I found a bench and lay down, waiting for my queasiness to pass.

I reflected on how Raziel could sustain himself on anything now, but he was feeding on blood. Considering the local cuisine, and the fact that fresh blood was being made available, there was little reason to deny him old habits.


	12. At Sea

Disclaimer: I don't own LOK or POP. Elizabeth was a stock sue-type until she lost her grip on reality.

* * *

Gorged on warm blood, the vampires were content for the moment. It was rare when they received any sort of hospitality, but I always forgot what a relief it was for them to be in such a mood.

I didn't know much about boats, but the one that would take us to Nosgoth reminded me both of a descent-sized yacht and a tall ship, though the rigging didn't seem as complicated as I imagined it should be.

One of the sailors met us on the docks. "Excuse me miss, but you do remember our deal."

I turned back towards the four vampires. "They're off limits."

"You've said as much," Kain languidly reminded me.

As the vampires boarded the ship, I frowned at how relaxed they were. I imagined that they were happy to go home, but they didn't complain about having to travel over so much water. I wondered if the blood was somehow spiked.

"Not to worry, miss," the sailor said, noticing my frown. "We know better than to piss off an Author. Bad luck, that is."

I stared him hard in the eye. My presence did seem to make people temporarily and vaguely aware that their existence was tenuous, though not so much that it would seriously affect their lives. I suppose that there was a dramatic precedent for karmic retribution.

Something else nagged at me; something that I had seen. "Why were they taking apart that building?"

"It is not good to stay in one place for too long," the sailor said. "We leave places often so that disaster does not find us."

"You move your entire town?" I asked, incredulous.

The sailor nodded. "Our oldest tales teach us that something will come eventually."

"Like vampires?"

"Oh don't worry, miss. We were fixin' to move anyhow," the sailor assured me. "Vamps is the least that can happen. I don't dare guess what could be headed for us."

* * *

The space below deck had been made comfortable for the vampires, and they spent the first two days of the voyage resting there. I, too, spent much of my time napping in a sheltered space towards the stern. Even if the vampires had been drugged, I found it unlikely that the townspeople had managed to get to me. I assumed that we were all suffering the effects of exhaustion.

There were only two men manning the boat, and they worked in shifts. This left no room for distracting them, and it seemed that they wanted us to keep to ourselves anyway. Our ship was driven by surprisingly quiet engines, with a small sail kept simply as a backup.

Raziel was the first to turn from restive to restless. He staggered up the stairs from the hold as if desperate for some fresh air.

"Good morning," I greeted, though the time of day was shifting from late afternoon to early evening.

Raziel didn't comment, his inner muse telling him that it must be morning somewhere. Instead, he sighed, "I had the strangest dream."

"Prey tell," I invited.

"I was trying to find my destiny, but there was something following me," Raziel explained. "It said that it was me, but it was wearing a dress."

It only took a moment of thought before it occurred to me. "It was following you since you talked to Ariel after Moebius tricked you, and it called Kain 'Koen,'" I supplied.

"How did you know that?" Raziel accused.

"I'm not the only Author," I stated firmly.

"So it did happen to me," Raziel said.

"Another version of you," I corrected.

"I also dreamed that I was a stuffed toy," Raziel said disconcertedly.

"Oops," I hissed.

"That was your doing?" Raziel asked, his eyes flashing.

"If it was a complicated dream, then probably," I admitted. "But the Drag Reaver isn't my fault." I had been meaning to be insistent, but my voice trailed off as I realized something. "What else do you dream about?"

Raziel gave me a strange look. "I dreamed that I had adopted a human child... or was that Melchiah?"

"Okay, I see what's going on," I said, somewhat relieved. "You're dreaming about things that happened to other versions of you." At Raziel's confused look, I continued. "Other Authors have different ideas about what situations they would like to see you in. Some Authors have multiple ideas, so there are multiple copies of you wandering around in the Author's minds."

"Are all of my dreams glimpses into the exploits of my other selves?" Raziel asked. He seemed unsure of something.

"I'm not sure," I admitted. Catching his desperate look, I added, "The stranger it is, the more likely that it is someone else imposing their ideas on you." I caught on that his dreams included getting buggered by Kain, but neither of us wanted to be the one to give voice to it.

"You said that the stuffed toy dream was likely your fault," Raziel began.

"That's probably the strangest one that I'm responsible for," I interrupted.

Raziel stared silently at me, though his question burned in his eyes.

Finally, I couldn't take it any longer. "I like the 'you are an amazing chess partner' type of fic!" I yelled. I took a few calming breaths and said. "It's just innuendo."

Eventually, Raziel would learn when to drop a discussion. Unfortunately, today was not that day.

"What's just innuendo?" Vorador asked as he climbed out of the hold.

"We were talking about the skimpy armor that the lads in the cabal were wearing," I shouted at him.

Vorador laid back his ears and sneered, but that was the only action he took. I was glad that he knew when to let a matter drop.

"What do you dream about?" Raziel asked quietly.

"I dream about my real life," I murmured back. "It's usually pretty boring."

"Dreams," Kain muttered as he sat heavily on a pile of cargo nets.

"Were they weird?" I asked him. "I think you'll tend to dream about other Author's stories about you." At Kain's irritated silence, I prodded, "I'm going to keep bugging you until you give us a hint."

Kain sighed, lost deep in thought. I was about to give him a nudge when he silently ceded, his thoughts rising clear in my mind. 'I met a female version of myself.'

"Ah, good story," I said, wracking my brain for her name. "Khilia."

"No," Kain interrupted. He snarled, his embarrassment hard to see.

"Oh, that one," I said, trying to suppress a grin. "Or that other one," I added as another thought occurred to me.

"Enough," Kain barked, his fangs flashing in anger.

Janos and Vorador exchanged an uncomfortable look. It was more than likely that they had dreams of the slash variety, and so I didn't question them about it.

"By the way, Kain, thanks for not causing too much trouble in Drifton," I said.

* * *

Boredom was a constant enemy, always threatening to goad the vampires into violence.

"What is this game called again?" Kain asked as he studied the board.

"This is Chaos Chess," I grinned. It was somewhat like a chessboard, but it had a larger field and four full sets of chessmen.

Kain and Vorador were sitting to each side of me, meaning that Raziel was only my enemy if I could make it to his side of the board. After one round of moves, I noticed a strange opportunity, and moved my queen diagonally to take Kain's.

Kain frowned as he moved his king to take my queen. "That move cost you as well."

"Who cares?" I gushed. "That was cool."

The game continued with me playing the disruptor while the rest were struggling with trying to play a normal game of chess. I was the first one eliminated, so I didn't pay attention to who actually won.

* * *

"That will probably attract sharks," I mumbled around my ration bar. I didn't dare to chew it, the thing was harder than my teeth. The vampires had just flung the bags from their own meal overboard.

"There are other creatures that feed on blood?" Janos questioned, peering into the water.

"They can smell it, and they're attracted to wounded creatures," I said. "Sharks are such perfect predators that their design hasn't changed for millions of years."

"Do they eat people?" Vorador asked, amused.

"They tend to spit people out," I shrugged. "I think they like to eat seals. Humans must be relatively low-fat and low-salt."

"You don't have to eat everything to be at the top of the food chain," Vorador replied.

"Sharks taste just like any other fish," I said, letting Vorador know that, like many things, sharks weren't quite at the very top. "Then again, just about everything tastes the same when deep fried."

Kain drew an imaginary hatch mark in the air, tallying disgust at yet another of my dietary choices.

Just then, I saw a shape in the water, but it wasn't a shark. "Sea serpent!" I shrieked as I scrambled into the rigging.

The monster broke the surface with an intelligent sigh. He blinked at Kain and gargled, "Master."

Raziel gripped the railing in surprise and gasped, "Rahab? I killed you."

"Twice," Rahab confirmed.

"How is this possible?" Raziel called up to me.

"'elifino," I called back down. "Did you expect anything to make sense after Janos started eating cookies?"

"Janos Audron?" Rahab asked in confusion.

"Yes?" the angelic vampire answered.

"You too are meant to be dead," Rahab gurgled as if commenting on the weather. "We must be in the realm of the truly dead."

"Nope," I quipped as I cautiously lowered myself from the rigging. "It's just that this universe is filled with people that are so rude that they won't stay dead. I wouldn't be surprised at anyone that wanders in."

"Moebius did manage to come back after I killed him twice," Kain commented.

"I do wish that we could've caused his forth death," Raziel shot me a scathing look.

Vorador was starting at Rahab, who was placidly ducking under the water to let his blistered skin heal.

"What are you?" Vorador asked.

"I am Kain's forth vampiric childe," Rahab gurgled, "and I was one of his loyal servants."

"Was?" Kain demanded.

"No longer. My service ended when I died," Rahab sighed. "I remember what you saved us from. Two lives, both the same. It is most perplexing."

"Go then," Kain shouted. He covered it well, but I could tell that he was cut by Rahab's infidelity.

As Rahab sunk into the murky depths, Vorador asked, "You sired that creature?"

"Yes," Kain snapped.

It seemed as if Vorador was going to question Kain on how a vampire could learn how to swim, but then he thought better of it. Living in a swamp had given Vorador a high resistance to moisture, but even he had to watch where he stepped at times.

Kain was still brooding when the ship docked at Freeport. Wordlessly, he leaped onto dry land and disappeared into the night.


	13. Interlude: Alone with Kain

Disclaimer: I don't even know where to begin this time.

Kain: What in the nine hells have you done?

Smoke: I got a random inspiration and ran with it. Blame my muse.

Kain: Raziel! Come here this instant!

Raziel closes his eyes and covers his ears: Lalalala, I don't know anything about this!

Smoke: Chronilogically, this happens really late in the actual flow of adventures.

20060710

* * *

"Oh, take a bath, Kain," I spat, the insult was meant to end the argument. 

Though only Raziel had more liberty when dealing with Kain, he seemed to think I had reached the edge of my bounds. He grabbed me around the throat, but his gentleness belied that it was a symbolic gesture.

"You know the results of such an act," Kain growled.

I listlessly tugged at Kain's restraining arm. His grip was uncomfortable, but it wasn't worth calling on my author powers for the strength to break it. I didn't exactly know how quickly the water would eat away at his skin, or what it would leave behind, but it would clearly be unpleasant. It was then that I felt a sense of longing from Kain, a wish that he could tolerate more than the rain.

"You know that I can bend reality to my will," I finally replied.

Kain seemed genuinely taken off-guard. His grip loosened so that only my hold on his arm saved me from an awkward fall.

"What are you implying?" he asked. His voice was soft with confusion.

"I could prevent water from hurting you, for a little while at least," I explained.

Kain's scowl deepened. Even if he did have faith in my abilities, it was very difficult for him to put his trust in anyone.

"You know I wouldn't joke about something like this," I said as I began to walk away.

Kain stopped me with a hand on my shoulder. "If you wanted me dead or injured, you would not need to trick me."

An hour later found us trekking up a narrow mountain path.

Kain patiently waited for me to recover my breath and asked, "Why this excursion?"

"It'll be worth it," I panted.

"I don't see why I couldn't just use your bathtub," Kain muttered. His sullen attitude was so faceted, I couldn't tell what thoughts were causing it. Perhaps he imagined that I really would go to this trouble to make a joke at his expense.

"You wouldn't have fit," I explained. "Even I don't fit." It was shallow and small, but I found it more comfortable to use a mixed unit to shower rather than a simple stall.

We topped a rise to find a natural hot spring nestled among the rocks. Kain stood at the edge of the water and stared at it for a long time. I thought it best not to disturb his contemplation, lest his natural caution get the best of him.

Slowly, Kain reached toward the water. Still not quite believing that I would prevent the water from burning him, Kain flinched as his talon brushed below the surface. His astonishment at the lack of pain showed clearly. Kain scowled again as I laughed at him.

"You should see the look on your face," I giggled.

I had wounded Kain's pride enough times that he didn't mind it so much anymore. At least he didn't mind as long as I was the only one who knew about it.

"Don't spoil the moment," Kain spoke as he flung a handful of water into my face.

Kain unbuckled his chest harness and carefully laid his drape on the rocks. Though I had seen him naked before, I turned my back and gave him some privacy as he peeled away his pants. Another moment, and I cautiously looked over my shoulder to see him comfortably settled in the spring.

Respectfully refusing to look directly at him, I settled on the rocks bordering the spring.

"There is enough room for you as well," Kain offered.

"I'd rather soak up the sun," I sighed as I lay back. Though it was hazy, there was still more light than what could penetrate Nosgoth's sulfurous skies.

After a moment of quiet thought, Kain commented, "Strange how one can grow to miss certain things."

I pulled my head back to watch him let the water run through his claws. "Someday I might grow to understand what you mean."

"You don't already?" Kain asked.

I tried to give the question some thought, and I spoke slowly in an attempt to properly phrase the answer. "I suppose that most of the things I feel connected to, I would be better off without them."

"But you would still grow to miss them," Kain insisted as he brought a handful of water to his lips.

"Don't!" I shouted. In my panic, I slipped off the rock and plunged into the spring. Between disorientation and my full skirt, it took an impossibly long moment for me to come up again. I coughed and gratefully sucked in lungfuls of air. "You didn't swallow, did you?" I gasped.

"No," Kain frowned, his nose wrinkled in distaste. Though his mouth stung, he wasn't truly harmed.

"You know, it doesn't take me long to miss breathing," I coughed as I waded across the spring.

Kain gave a non-commital sigh and leaned back against the edge. He seemed to be growing more content with each passing moment.

I stripped off my outer layer of clothes, wrung them out, and laid them on the rocks to dry. I was slightly ashamed that my boxer shorts featured Jack Skellington and read "My Cemetery or Yours," but I would have died of embarrassment if Kain had caught me wearing the ones with He-man and Skeletor on them.

I fished around in my bag and pulled out a large sponge and some bottles. I knelt by Kain's shoulder and used the sponge to wring water over his head. After a brief flash of panic, Kain relaxed under my careful ministrations. I was confident that he would let me know if the attention was unwanted.

Kain's sighs took on a rumbling quality as I rubbed shampoo into his hair. I reflected on how catlike his attitudes tended to be. He seemed to enjoy being groomed, though he would vehemently deny it if I said anything about it later. I corrected my thoughts by deciding that I would be too busy screaming in pain to hear him deny it if I breathed a word about this.

"Don't fall asleep," I warned.

"What makes you think I would do that?" Kain asked, cracking one eye to look up at me.

"How silly of me," I commented.

"I have had enough," Kain breathed as he slowly rose to his feet.

I pulled a large and plush towel out of my bag and offered it to Kain. Through my closed eyelids, his silhouette pulsed in non-colors so glaring as to be almost imperceptible. I hated not being able to see his expression as he took the towel and wrapped it around his waist, but his motions were relaxed.

Kain seemed to understand that getting dressed would be more pleasant after the last of the damp had left his skin. He sat on one of the rocks, wearing nothing but the towel, and let me comb the moisture out of his hair with a broad pick.

I actually enjoyed tending to Kain like this. It was strangely soothing.

"Do you ever wish that you were mortal again?" I asked quietly. Kain jerked sharply to read my face. "It's curiosity, not an offer," I assured him.

"Is it in your abilities?" Kain asked curiously.

"I could, but it would be so difficult that you would have to be very persistent in demanding it," I answered calmly.

"There was only one time when I desired such a thing," Kain reflected.

"If you were someone else?" I prompted.

"There were many times when I wished that," Kain admitted, "but mortality has nothing to compare with being a dark god."

I snorted at his choice of words, but I said, "I believe it." Finished with my task, I stood up and moved to another rock so that I could face him.

"Do you ever wish to be someone else?" Kain asked.

"I'm constantly living in a fantasy," I answered. "Either I don't wish it because I have it, or I do wish but it's already fulfilled."

I closed my eyes again as Kain groped for his pants. Either he didn't care that I watched him, or he was confident that I wouldn't. Even though I had read dozens of stories with Kain more than exposed, and we had just shared a moment that was in its own way intimate, I felt uncomfortable with actually staring at his body.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Raziel asked when we returned.

I shrugged, "Just an adventure from this hare-brain of mine. I think you would have found it boring."


	14. Arrival in Nosgoth

20060721 - Disclaimer, if I owned LOK I wouldn't be here.

I did have this before I got distracted and posted the bathing chapter, but the first part I was completely narrating when the characters could've been speaking for themselves. Somewhere along the line, the entire nature of that part of the story changed. (I still don't like this chapter, but there's something better in the que.) This happens directly after the ship pulls up in Nosgoth, Kain disappears into the night, and for the first time Janos and Vorador see Nosgoth in the Soul Reaver Era.

* * *

"This is Freeport?" Vorador questioned, staring at the tall, industrial buildings. "I was still young when I was last here, but it was a fishing village."

"Places change," I commented.

Janos landed from his areal survey. "Even if I did have the strength to transport us, I do not trust the changes in the landscape."

I consulted my map. "There's a warp gate not far from here."

Janos and Vorador stared over my shoulders at the map. "I don't recognize anything," Vorador commented.

"Hold this," I said as I pulled out a Blood Omen map.

"I doubt that your homes still exist," Raziel commented. "I saw the buildings crumble."

"I had my mansion rebuilt," Vorador argued.

"I think your swamp sank," I mentioned, pointing out the location on both maps.

"What is that?" Vorador asked.

"The Abyss, it was the worst form of execution imaginable," Raziel said bitterly.

I grimaced so that Raziel couldn't see me, an indication to the others that it was a touchy subject.

"I would imagine that my own home has crumbled to dust without my care," Janos sighed.

"Come on, then," I sighed as I folded the maps. "We'll figure out where to stay."

We left town without incident from the locals, though they did stare at us. It had probably been forever since they saw intelligent vampires, so maybe they didn't realize the danger.

"Such desolation," Janos sighed as he kicked a rock through the dust.

"This was the world that I knew," Raziel answered.

Shortly, we came on the ruins of the Sarafan tomb. "This way," Raziel said, not even sparing a glance towards the gated entrance.

For the moment, Raziel was the only one that could operate the warp gates, though the rest of us could now return to this one. He seemed thoughtful for a moment before activating the portal. I saw Raziel's clan symbol flash in the activated gate, but instead he set it to Melchiah's territory.

"Good call," I complimented. I imagined that Raziel was unwilling to return to his own empty holdings, but the necropolis had some of the same advantages.

A few ragged vampires growled at us, but they only posed a true threat if I wandered away from the others.

"What happened here?" Vorador asked, staring at a particularly battered Melchiahim.

"Melchiah was created last," Raziel said. "He received the poorest portion of Kain's gift, and so he decayed as a mortal would. His children inherited that weakness."

In Janos' mind, I heard a question form about Raziel's own children. I was too zealous in stopping him from asking, and Janos held his head at the resulting migraine.

"Are you all right?" Raziel asked.

"I need to rest," Janos breathed.

"You there, where is the closest shelter?" Vorador asked one of the local vampires.

Startled, the vampire hissed and scampered away.

"That won't do any good. Most of them have completely lost their minds, and only a few will talk anymore." Raziel cocked his head. "If you can walk, there is a comfortable place not far from here."

If coming from Raziel's territory, you'd turn right to go towards Melchiah's chamber. To get to our current destination, you would turn left. The most surprising thing was that we found a building of a type that I had never seen in Nosgoth before. I wasn't sure of what movie I could've seen it in, but we came upon a house that was vaguely colonial and reminded me of a plantation mansion.

"What is that?" I asked.

Raziel rolled his eyes. "I fear for our situation. You are the Author, the one who is supposed to know and control everything, and yet it is the Muse who has the answers."

I looked again at the building. It was silver with age and covered in vines. Except for the architectural style, I could swear that it belonged in this decayed land. Suddenly, I realized that it was new, and that it appeared at about the time that we arrived in Nosgoth.

"It belongs to me," I said.

Though I was curious about my new quarters, I said, "You're welcome to stay here as long as you want. There's something I need to check on."

Any normal human should have been frightened to wander alone, but Raziel had reminded me that I wasn't a normal human. A few Dumahim tried to stand in my way, but I stared them down. I wasn't sure what would happen if I couldn't focus enough to attack their minds, or maybe I was just unwilling to think of that possibility.

I went to the pillars. I figured that Kain would be there, and I was still concerned over his reaction to Rahab's infidelity.

Kain was standing in the center of his throne room, staring at the nine stubs that he had failed to save. He had a contemplative look on his face.

"How am I supposed to correct this?" Kain murmured as he heard my approach.

"I hate to break this to you," I said as I walked behind the pillars.

Curious, Kain followed me. I indicated a place on the pillar of conflict; it was a hole that showed that the pillar was a thin coat of plaster over chicken wire. I picked at the hole, causing more of the plaster to flake away. I then picked at the back of Kain's throne and obtained a similar result.

Kain stared, his reality crumbling just like the contents of this room. He had personally witnessed the craftsmen form his throne, a solid edifice of marble-based cement. "What is the meaning of this?"

"This world isn't real. It looks like the place you knew, but it's only an illusion," I explained. "The way to heal this world from its current wasteland is simply to be concerned about it."

Kain seemed like he was going to be sick. He sunk to the floor, his show of weakness disturbingly uncharacteristic. "I am free. All for nothing." Both phrases escaped from Kain's lips in a randomized chant.

I dared not approach him. Kain was dangerous in normal circumstances, but now I couldn't know what he would do. I gasped in surprise as Kain then dissolved into a cloud of bats that streamed away through a hole in the roof. I hoped that Kain would recover after some time alone.

Despite what I hoped, I still told Raziel about Kain's breakdown. Unfortunately, Janos and Vorador overheard.

"What do you mean?" Janos demanded.

"This isn't the real Nosgoth," patiently explained. "It's just the closest that we're going to get."

"And you couldn't copy the pillars," Vorador added.

"Exactly," I confirmed. "Kain didn't react to the news very well."

Janos bitterly spat something that I couldn't understand. I guessed that it was some comment on how he felt about the situation.

"I may need some help," Raziel said. "Let's go check on him."

"What about our ancient enemy?" Janos asked as we trudged through the desolate landscape. "Without the pillars, what is holding them back?"

"The hylden would get even more lost than we did with those plot holes," I answered. "There isn't any direct connection between this world and theirs."

"Why is this world a wasteland?" Raziel asked.

"Because it's a copy of Nosgoth," I answered. "It was a wasteland, but this place doesn't need to remain so."

Kain's citadel was a pretentious structure standing on the top of a tall mountain. It seemed as if the path was only reachable by an ill-advised leap from one of the nearby smokestacks. Or at least that was the only way to reach it for someone who couldn't fly. With some effort, Janos was able to lift Vorador into the air, while Raziel had the strength to carry me.

I hesitated at the door. "Either we're wasting our time or he's gone insane," Raziel said as he pulled open the door and walked in without knocking.

Kain was standing in his library. He was naked save for his pants, and his hair flowed loose around his shoulders. When he turned around, his gaze was feral with a strange light in his eyes.

Raziel wordlessly walked up to Kain and gazed at the maps scattered on the table next to him.

"I can build a new empire on the ashes of the old," Kain explained quietly. "This time it will not collapse."

"Megalomania," Vorador spat. "I suppose that you want my help again."

"I will not ask you for help as I doubt that you would provide it," Kain answered offhandedly.

'First-person omniscient,' I thought as I deliberately peered into Kain's mind. Umah's betrayal had surfaced among opinions on how Vorador's children were undesired in his schemes. Umah had feared that Kain wouldn't tolerate the threat of the Cabal, and so by her actions had caused Kain to later eliminate them from his world.

Insulted, Vorador stalked out the door. With a shudder of discomfort at Kain's ambition, Janos left as well. I followed, deciding to leave Kain and Raziel to their own devices. It turned out that I didn't need to worry about getting down off of the mountain, as Vorador found a warp gate just down the path from the front door.

Later, it turned out that Kain's ambitions dissipated fairly quickly. Raziel did not know if he could still create more vampires, and he was unwilling to try after what had happened to his clan. Kain had given up his ability to create more vampires when he directly transplanted his gift to his lieutenants, though that had given them the ability to sire immediately. Kain had regained that ability back when Raziel had committed his sacrifice, but he never thought to use it. All Kain had was the dregs of his former campaign, the empire that he had sought to leave behind.

In the end, the only difference was the sickly yellow of vegetation struggling to regain a foothold in Nosgoth's poor growing conditions. Kain once again reined over the bones of his former glory.

"You are the one that is meant to be in charge, are you not?" Raziel asked me later. "You are the Author."

"I am in charge," I replied confidently. Raziel gave me a cool stare. The only time I had gotten my way in the management of this world was on the sunlight issue, and only because I had presented it as a simple food chain problem; without sunlight to grow food for the humans, the vampires would starve.

"This is my world," I insisted. "I'm just tricking Kain into doing all of the hard work of managing it."

Raziel frowned. "You have a dangerous understanding of the situation. Despite what you are, do not presume that you can truly control any of us."


	15. 1 T for Trouble

A year and a few days ago, I started this arc and wrote up to midway into part 3. I can't remember any of the mid-adventure points, or rather I couldn't get the few I did remember to work. However, I like the aftermath of this adventure and the situational setup. I also had a version that in effect was "and some other Authors swooped in and took care of the parts I couldn't deal with." Then I thought that I was being presumptious by assuming that anyone would write those parts.

Hey, I wouldn't call this "Tripe" if I had a high opinion of it.

Chronologically, this happens after they arrive in Nosgoth, after some other minor adventures I haven't thought of yet.  
This arc is in eight parts and already on the server. How fast I activate it depends on my mood.

* * *

. 

Kain languidly walked through my parlor. I resisted the urge to yell, 'took you long enough' at him. I had much more leeway than any other mortal in dealing with Kain, but I seldom felt the need to press my luck, especially when I was the bearer of bad news.

"What was it that you wished to speak to me about?" Kain asked.

"Big problem," I stated as I pointed down at the floor.

"Why is there a child clinging to your leg?" Kain asked.

"That's Raziel," I stated in all seriousness.

Kain stood in shock as he took in Raziel's child appearance. He had adorable brown eyes framed by uruly brown hair. His physical age was somewhere between five and seven. He was wearing superman pajamas.

"How did this happen?" Kain demanded.

I winced as Raziel tightened his grip on my pant leg; the back of my knee was very ticklish. "I don't know, I didn't plan for this."

Kain growled low in his throat. "Take care of him for me."

"Hey, he's your son," I protested.

"Raziel is my vampiric son. That is a human child," Kain pointed out. "I have no idea of how to care for him."

"And you think I do?" I yelped.

Kain frowned, a dangerous glint in his eye. "Take care of him. I'm going to try and discover what has caused this."

After Kain had left, I turned to Raziel. "What shall we do now?"

"I'm hungry," Raziel complained.

Raziel was finished eating and busy shredding his unwanted waffle when my phone rang.

"I'm at the oracle caves," Kain said. His voice carried a desperation that I had never heard before. "Moebius did this."

The line went dead, and I was filled with a cold sense of forboding.

Hastily, I dialed Vorador. Within moments of my call, he appeared in my parlor.

"There's a problem," I told him hurriedly. "Just watch the kid."

Vorador sneered at the prospect, but Raziel was playing contendly with some toy cars I had fished out of my bag. They would be fine for an hour.

I sped on my moped along the cliffs of Nosgoth's ruined landscape. Normally, I just used my bicycle, as getting fuel was often tricky, but I felt that this situation warranted the motor.

When I got to the oracle caves, everything was still. Vampires had ceased to guard this site, or any site for that matter. I stepped forward into the round chamber that once witnessed Moebius' advice that Kain should seek out King Ottmar.

There, I found a small child sitting on the floor. He stared at me with the perpetual scowl that marked had Kain throughout his adult life. I found it strange that he would develop it so early.

"I want to go home," he insisted plaintively as he leaned his head against my shoulder.

"Home is my place now," I told him gently as I carried him out of the caves.

Now that I was assured Kain was alive at least, I rode back to my house at a more leisurely pace. As I let Kain run up to my door, I pondered why he was wearing batman pajamas.

When I entered the parlor, three kids were standing there. Two I recognized as Kain and Raziel. The third child had short-cropped brown hair and an innocent expression; his ears stuck out like the handles of a mug, and he was wearing Green Lantern pajamas.

"Vorador?" I called out, as if expecting him to be in the next room.

"Yes?" the child before me questioned.

"Oh dear," I groaned, holding my head in my hand.


	16. 2 T for Tiny

"Great, Janos, you're here," I sighed in relief as I closed the ballroom doors behind me. I don't know why I thought of it, but the ballroom seemed to be the perfect place to keep the 'kids' most of the time. It was probably because there was so much space for them to play.

"I came as soon as I got your message," Janos said, "though it was very unclear."

I smiled apologetically. "It's been stressful. From what I can tell, Moebius has found some way to make vampires into children."

"What?" Janos asked in confusion.

I opened the ballroom doors. Raziel came tearing out, clutching a stuffed duck. Kain and Vorador were following close behind. I grabbed Raziel by his collar and tripped Kain. Vorador had stopped in the doorway.

"Don't touch my duck, Kain," Raziel shouted.

"It's my duck!" Kain shouted from his undignified position on the floor.

Suddenly, the three noticed Janos. They simultaniusly screamed and ran back into the ballroom.

"They seem to have completely lost their memories," I commented.

"How did Moebius manage to get here?" Janos questioned.

I shrugged. "He probably managed to find a plothole."

"I thought there were no plot holes that led to Nosgoth," Janos said critically.

"It's hard to predict where they'll lead," I argued. "It was just that we never had a good chance of finding one."

"You shouldn't have stopped us from killing him," Janos said.

"Hey, don't blame this on me," I protested. "Moebius was in the middle of a nervous breakdown, and I am not without sympathy. Don't forget who was busy discussing what would be the best way to kill him when he got away."

"Vorador's suggestion was particularly appropriate," Janos nostalgically mused.

I huffed in annoyance. "We have a problem here. What am I going to do with three kids?"

Janos stared into the ballroom. "They are afraid of me. My mortal children died so long ago, and I know nothing about human youth."

"Still, I need help," I said. I couldn't keep the pleading tone out of my voice.

Janos sighed as he slowly followed me into the ballroom. Raziel, Kain, and Vorador were all standing in a lose knot in the middle of the room.

"Why don't you say hello?" I asked gently as I walked towards them.

"He's a monster," Raziel quietly whined.

"He's not a monster," I gently coaxed. "Come over here, he won't hurt you."

Vorador was the first to step forward. His eyes shone with fear, but there was also a candid fascination. With some difficulty, Janos knelt down so that he didn't tower over the child. Kain and Raziel also walked over, and soon the three were asking Janos questions like, 'Why are you blue?'

Janos suddenly yelped in pain and surprise as he stood up. Kain tumbled backwards, having caught a glancing blow from Janos' wing. Kain clutched an ebony feather in one hand.

"Keep an extra sharp eye on him," I told Janos, nodding towards Kain. Of the three, Kain seemed to be the greatest troublemaker. "Good luck," I added as I headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Janos asked.

"Someone's got to confront Moebius," I said.

"I'll go," Janos answered.

"You can't. Kain tried and he became young," I said.

"What will happen to you?" Janos questioned.

I took a moment to think. When I was that age, I didn't know anything about storytelling. I hadn't even mastered the use of a comma. "I'm immune," I decided.

"Do you know where he is?" Janos asked.

"I'm supposed to find him," I said. Janos still believed in fate even though I knew differently. "Listen, whatever's going on is probably going to affect you, too. Try to keep that in mind." I knew it sounded lame, but I couldn't think of any advice for this situation. I also couldn't think of anyone else to call on for help.


	17. 3 T for Time

I stood outside for a moment and took a deep breath of air. It couldn't exactly be considered fresh, but I grew up in an industrial area, and it was no different than what I was used to.

I wracked my brain for where Moebius could be hiding. Any human habitation would make sense from a practical standpoint. By the same token, the Sarafan stronghold was unlikely because it was mostly a soggy pile of rubble.

I suddenly became aware of someone standing behind me. I turned to see a blue dragon, my muse before Raziel took the job.

"What are you doing here?" I questioned.

"Raziel is too young. He cannot be your muse." He quipped.

"So instead of a child, I get a lazy and unhelpful dragon," I complained.

He whipped his head around so that he could stare me straight in the face. "I know where he is." His anger was palpable.

"Where?" I asked. There was little point actually voicing an apology to a creature that could sense my clenching indigestion from eating my own words.

"The Eternal Prison," he said, turning so I could wrap my arms around his neck. He leaned forward to pull me onto his back and sprang into the air.

Flying on the back of a dragon is not as comfortable as it sounds. Fortunately, we caught a tailwind and flew quickly. Still, my arms were stiff by the time we arrived.

As impossible as it sounds, the Eternal Prison had decayed even further since the time that Kain had come here to find the builder of the Device. Moebius was standing near the top of the main entrance hall, in the same place as the jailer that had told Kain to leave.

"So this really is your playground, you sick old fool," I called up to Moebius.

"Don't insult me, child, you haven't the skill," Moebius sneered in return. "Unlike the others, I did not create such a sanctuary to madness."

"I doubt that , since this place seems to fit the bill," I needled.

"I know what knowledge your status affords you, Author," Moebius growled. "You should know that I could not have possibly built this place."

"The Builder," I answered. "It just seems strange about the big ugly statue."

Moebius frowned. "It's true that this place is much older than I, but I am the only warden it has ever known."

I sensed that the situation was too complicated to easily explain, and that Moebius would be able to distract me with it for days if I let him.

"The vampires are children, Moebius," I stated.

"My spell has rendered them quite harmless," Moebius grinned. "Though exile if preferable to death, I find that it is not to my liking."

I followed Moebius' gaze upwards to the block suspended from the ceiling. A complicated brass mechanism was mounted onto it.

"What have you done?" I asked in horror.

"I needed a source of power for a spell of this magnitude," Moebius said. "However, these blocks contain more than enough."

"You idiot!" I shrieked. Already there were cracks in the block. I still did not know whether they were the source of my powers or a sink that absorbed them, but the blocks were dangerous.

Thanks to the crumbling of the building, I was able to scramble up a pile of debree to the ledge where Moebius was standing.

"Guard me, Malek," Moebius shouted, and a small boy leaped out of the shadows.

"You've got to be kidding," I said as I stared at the seven-year-old. He was dressed in Iron Man pj's.

"It is regrettable that he could no longer serve me as he was at his peak, but modifying the spell would be far too difficult," Moebius explained.

"I'm surprised he'd serve you at all after what you did to him," I spat back.

"The fool blamed himself for his failure," Moebius insisted. "However, the child's mind overwhelms what he would think if he were an adult."

"Pathetic," I sneered as I tried to walk around the child. I jumped back as Malek's lightweight spear came down at me. Though inexpertly swung, I was no better at fighting, and I stood a good chance of getting hurt unless I hurt him first.

"I doubt that you would bring yourself to harm a child," Moebius taunted.

He was right, my instincts were getting in the way, but Moebius also underestimated my powers. I drew on my ability to change reality. The block creaked ominously. With an inhuman lunge, I sailed past Malek and landed in front of Moebius. The old wizard gasped in alarm and was suddenly replaced by a boy in a 'Flash' costume. All three of us were knocked to the ground as the block exploded, taking the magical device with it.


	18. 4 T for Turning point

I was tired. Trying to act as the author instead of an avatar character was taxing on me. There was a meridian-era vehicle parked near another entrance to the prison. I yawned as I drove Moebius and Malek back to my home.

I should have left them both, but my conscience was strong enough to drive me to stupidity. With these two and the three vampires, I was concerning myself with five children that shouldn't be my responsibility. Six if Janos had somehow been involved in this insanity.

I sighed and hit the control panel in irritation at my situation. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. At least Moebius and Malek were being quiet. They sat in the back of the vehicle and watched the scenery drift by.

When I returned home, I confirmed that Janos had been affected as well. Six children that I didn't rightly have any obligation to.

I might be able to find other quarters for Vorador, Malek, and Moebius; some family that would take each of them in. Trying that trick with Kain or Raziel would be more difficult; their names had less chance of being lost to history. With Janos, such a thing would be impossible.

I decided to handle the situation without the help of Nosgoth's residents. I commanded my Muse to assume a humanoid form, though it protested that it knew even less than I about dealing with children, and disappeared on some unknown errand.

* * *

_**Telepathic message from the dragon-muse: **Smoke didn't realize that she didn't know children when she got herself into this mess. She might've mentioned something to that effect in the notes at the beginning of this arc. There are some odd ideas that you might catch in conversations, but what actually happened while they were children is up to your imaginations, so big time-jump here. The muse's errand was supposed to be going to author-space to beg for help, but I'm rebelling._

* * *

. 

I awoke to a resounding crash. Statistically, it would be one of the meaningless objects that littered my home. It sounded like a vase. I buried my face in my pillow and contemplated everything that had happened since the children had entered my story.

Their shifting alliances were the oddest part. It seemed that events from their adult lives randomly affected their childhood decisions. Kain and Malek even decided to gang up on Moebius at least once. Raziel was usually the first to step in during any fight he didn't actually start.

I winced as I heard a loud bang. The last time I heard anything like it was at an exposition where someone had accidentally knocked a television off of its stand. I lurched out of bed and staggered downstairs.

Sure enough, all six of them were in the entertainment room. They were staring guiltily at the television, which was lying face-down on the floor. Unlike the rest of my appliances, it was not compatible with Nosgoth's power supply, so therefore I didn't use it often. However, I was peeved at its loss. The only thing fortunate about the situation was that the generator wasn't running.

I let out a long, hissing breath and felt the last shred of my patience leave with it. I grabbed Moebius by the back of the shirt and snapped, "You, clean this up. You're grounded for the next twenty years."

The rest panicked at my anger and ran from the room. Moebius whimpered against my hold and protested, "I'm not the one who broke it."

"You caused this whole mess with your stupid time spell." I didn't yell, but my tone had much of the same effect. "It's all your fault."

On reflection, it wasn't exactly fair to show my temper, not when his mind was innocent. As I sipped at my morning coffee, I hoped that I had somehow goaded him into discovering that he was the timestreamer.

My presumption was correct as shortly afterward a taller Moebius emerged from the entertainment room in a cloud of acrid smoke.

"It has been twenty years," he commented.

I glanced over his shoulder to see a disaster of dissasembled equipment and melted plastic. "But you didn't clean up the mess."

Suddenly, I lunged and pinned Moebius to the wall. I guess too much time spent with the vampires had caused me to adopt some of their violent ways. Moebius struggled in my grip and almost managed to break free. He was lanky even in youth, but he was stronger than he looked.

My determination and greater weight gave me the leverage I needed to keep my hold on Moebius. I stared angrily into his steely blue eyes and said, "I would prefer that you clean up the bigger mess."

Moebius struggled again, but stilled when he felt a vague crackle of power building up around me. "I can't simply reverse it."

"I don't believe you." My flat tone held more menace than yelling or growling.

"Even in this form, the only thing I retain from my guardianship is knowledge," Moebius explained. "I would need to build another mechanism and find a block that could power it."

"No blocks," I insisted. "Those things are more dangerous than you know."

Moebius relaxed slightly as I pulled my arms away in an uneasy truce. His gaze was focused inwards in thought. "I can't do anything without taking that risk."

"What if you cannabalize the chronoplast?" I asked.

Moebius stared at me in horror that I would even suggest such a thing. He calmed and said, "Though it is powerful, even that wouldn't be enough."

"The blocks can't be that powerful," I contended. "Gather what you need. I'll find another power source."

As Moebius started to walk away, I roughly pushed him back into the wall and held him there. "And no funny business," I breathed. I purposely let my power take on a cold and sinuous quality as it encroached into his mind; like tentacles. Moebius cried out in revulsion and staggered away once I released my physical hold on him.

Feeling slightly queasy myself, I examined the mess in the entertainment room. I yanked a spliced cord out of the wall and plugged the lamp back in. Identifying what components had come from which device was truly impossible, nothing had been spared. The time manipulation device itself was now a smoldering puddle.

Deciding that the entire room was a loss, I locked the door. Given time, I would gain a new space with the same function, even if its appearance decided to change.


	19. 5 T for Trip

_On reflection, I'd say that this is more self-gratifying than usual. In the next chapter, I put a hr at the point where it gets more character-centered._

There were many times when I wished I could just start over again. The outburst from this morning had left me severly frustrated. The only good point was that the kids had the common sense to stay out of my way. They had eaten breakfast before I woke up, and there were plenty of toys in their rooms, so they could stay holed up for several more hours.

Even with the energy I expended in binding Moebius, a nap would only exhaust me this early in the day. I felt restless and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I finally decided that I would watch Moebius work. I sensed that he was genuinely working to create a new time-manipulation device, but it was far from complete.

I wrote a note for the kids on the refridgerator with a dry-erase marker. I decided that it was better if they didn't realize right away that I was gone. I had finally reached the point of not caring for their safety. They had already proven that they were more durable than I had originally imagined.

Only my moped had any fuel, but I wanted to save that for an emergency. I was in no hurry, and I needed to collect my thoughts, so I was content to ride my bike. I would have walked, but Moebius was back at the Eternal Prison and it was quite some distance away.

I found the Timestreamer in the central guard chamber, hunched over his work. Pieces of the ruined control mechanism laid scattered around him. "Insufferable mess," he muttered as he sorted through the brass fragments. "It's not complete."

"I know," I replied in a tone that said that I really did.

Moebius favored me with a harsh stare. "The damage is worse than I thought. Kain never did cease to cause me hardship."

"Oh poor baby," I cooed condenscendingly.

"You must not want this completed very soon," Moebius grumbled. "I need this piece from the other one." He held up a brass part that was in two peices, obviously expecting me to get it.

"That's on the other side of the prison. You must be nuts," I complained. "There's spiders and lunatics and jailers."

"This would transport you, if it were functional," Moebius sighed. "I don't think that there's anything living anymore."

I snatched the broken part and began walking through the prison. The old coot was right about the lack of life here, but the tomblike silence was almost worse. I tried to avoid breathing. Any attempt to describe what I was smelling would not do justice.

This had always been my favorite chapter in the game, and so I new the route well. However, there were some differences. I encountered a hallway that seemed to stretch forever, and I seem to recall that the designers had wanted an infinate hallway, but fortunately I could avoid it.

Eventually, I began hearing voices in the silence. If I concentrated, I could make out pleas for mercy and stories told by the prisoners. A particularly loud scream caused my skin to tighten in fear. I pressed myself against a wall and tried to force away my panic.

A white shape emerged from a dark hallway. "Kain?" I called as I recognized the albino fledgeling. He didn't acknowledge me, and there was a mirage-like distortion surrounding him. I realized that I was watching an echo from another time.

I decided to follow the echo for a while, knowing that it would end up where I needed to be. I knew I was drawing false comfort from this illusion, except that now I at least knew where many of the screams were coming from. I could not see what Kain was killing, but by his calm savagery I could guess that he was slaughtering prisoners.

The spectre faded away, but the echoes from long-dead prisoners did not. I was slowly managing to tune out the sounds of suffering. I was actually startled when I heard a whimper from a living throat. One of the prisoners was crouched in a corner. It broke my heart to see him, but I didn't know what kind of mercy I could show. I didn't want to kill, and I doubted that the wretch truly wanted death. I also was unsure of the wisdom in leading him out of here. Even if he had attoned for whatever crime had sent him here, his stay had left him unsuitable for any decent life outside.

I finally found the orrey-like mechanism. It had exploded, scattering its parts. I found the part that Moebius wanted and then gathered anything else that seemed salvagable so I wouldn't have to come back here.

One of the hallways had collapsed behind me, so I couldn't retrace my steps. I found a different route, one that led through the maze of bars. I became severly disoriented before I remembered that I was starting from the far end. Still, I became sure that it didn't matter because the path changed.

I was beginning to fight down the frustration and panic at not being able to find the way out when I heard a familiar voice. I wasn't able to understand what he was saying, but I was positive that it was Magnus. He then appeared from the darkness surrounding the maze.

I pressed myself against the bars at my back and watched the apparition pace like a caged animal. His mutterings were distorted by the intervening years, but I was still mesmerized by fear. My only comfort was the bars between us.

Just then, Magnus turned and stared directly at me with his one good eye. I shrieked and ran in blind panic. The bars of the maze kept slamming down in front of me and I scrabbled against them uselessly. I'm not quite sure how I found the exit, but I didn't stop running until I had returned to the central guard room.


	20. 6 T for Trade

_it gets back into character focus at the hr_

Moebius stared at me as I stood gasping and whimpering against the door. "This place is evil!" I shrieked.

"She who consorts with unnatural creatures does not recognize what evil is," Moebius said as he bent back to his task.

"Speak for yourself, squid worshipper," I spat as I dropped the salvaged parts on the floor. "May this place fall into the sea." In hindsight, I saw that I overreacted. If Magnus wasn't an illusion, I doubt I would've gotten away unscathed.

"It is almost complete," Moebius declared. "Have you found a way to power the spell?"

"Don't worry about it," I replied. "By the way, let Malek stay the way he was before you fucked up his life."

"I could put everyone at that stage," Moebius said thoughtfully. "It certainly would take less energy."

I could see that if I let Moebius do that, everyone would be mortal. Though that would be an interesting adventure, I decided that I missed having them as vampires. "You will return everyone else to the way they were before you came here."

Moebius frowned as he adjusted the mechanism. "I want protection from them."

I rolled my eyes. "You're in no position."

Moebius stared at me critically. I flexed the sinous lines of force I had placed in his mind, reminding Moebius of his situation.

I was too close to this problem. Even for Moebius, it was hard not to be soft. "You said that exhile is preferable to death."

"Very well," Moebius said, sensing that a deal had been struck. "It is ready."

Since coming to Nosgoth, I had learned that my Author status granted me godlike powers, but they were limited in that my avatar form would be weakened by their use. Simply changing everyone's form to suit my wishes would have been too much of a strain, but I knew I could handle the amount of energy neccesary to help Moebius reverse what he had done.

I tightened my binds within his mind, but I didn't spare any energy in scaring him further. What he had seen as tenticles before now resolved into cords, but it was a reminder that I would see if he tried any deceit.

Though Moebius had insisted that his lost guardianship had left him with only knowledge, he still was a skilled socerer. I felt that he was manipulating the controls on his machine with force of will as well as with his hands. The strain was great, but I could feel that it was working.

When the spell was complete, I used the last of my gathered energy to open a seam in reality. I grabbed Moebius by the robes and dragged him through. We fell through the nothingness behind reality, and I kicked the timestreamer away from me. I knew where he would land. I appeared in my own home, hitting the stone floor with a solid smack.

I groggily blinked to see Kain and Vorador standing over me. They did not look happy. However, they recognized the signs that I had overtaxed myself and so carried me into the kitchen. Vorador sat next to me in the breakfast nook and held me upright. Even vampires had standards of what was gross, and so he used a handkerchief to staunch my nosebleed instead of lapping the blood off my face.

I closed my eyes against the migrane and listened to Kain banging around in the cupboards. He knew that I needed a restoritive. "Where is Moebius?" he asked.

"Gone," I muttered. Unless Kain directly asked, I wasn't going to tell him that I had allowed Moebius to escape.

Vorador took the cloth away from my face. I knew that he would insist that I wash it later, but I knew a trick for removing my own bloodstains. I opened my eyes to see Kain set a mug of steaming coco in front of me. I sipped at it, but the blood in my sinuses gave it a metallic quality, and the words 'Kain's special AB positive mix' would not leave my thoughts.

"Where is he?" Kain repeated, wanting a more complete answer.

"A rift, Authorspace," I muttered. I was exaggerating my weariness slightly in hopes that Kain would stop pressing me.

I had explained to him before about a non-real realm where Authors could collaborate and experiment with ideas, a place where our powers were unbound by the limits of the avatar, though even there I couldn't have simply willed everything to return to normal. I saw Kain's eyes widen slightly before he settled into a calm smirk. Perhaps he thought that I would track down the timesteamer once I recovered my strength.

"It would be hell for him," I added. I wasn't sure if any had been published, but I figured that most authors would have at least started a list of painful tortures for Moebius, and there he would probably experience the most creative of them and then be ressurected to sample some more.

"Why is Malek here?" Vorador asked.

"Um, don't kill him?" I hadn't been the only one lying on the floor.

"He's alive," Vorador admitted grudgingly.

"Moebius brought him, but I want to keep him," I said. "The other humans don't want to be near me."

Vorador frowned. "Surely there is someone else that can ease your lonliness."

I didn't like Vorador's tone. "I'll let you know if he's a lousy at conversation."

* * *

Kain growled for my attention, his expression steely and sour. "We have greater concerns." His slow words held a crushing importance. "That foul magic showed every year that we regained. Janos saw what Raziel was." 

"Scheese," I cringed. I could not even imagine the devestation Janos must have felt when he realized... his messiah was his murderer. I could not think clearly, but one question out of many floated to my lips. "Where are they?"

"Raziel is not reachable, he disappeared," Kain said. He looked to Vorador for Janos' whereabouts.

"He would not have left if he didn't wish to be alone," Vorador said. "What is so terrible?"

I shook my head, unwilling to deal with the horror of the situation. For Kain, the disgust was deeper, more personal. Seeing that it was harder for Kain, I gave the barest of explanations. "Raziel was Sarafan, and Janos recognized his face."

Vorador angrily turned to Kain. I cut off his angry accusation by laying my hand on his shirt and asking, "Where is Janos?"

"We will discuss this later," Vorador promised as he teleported away.

"I'll find Raziel," I said. "Put Malek someplace safe, I don't want him hurt or running lose until he understands the situation."

"I remember everything that happened when we were children," Kain explained, confusion edging his tone. "We played together."

"I'll leave you to work it out," I said as I rose from the table.

"Clean yourself up first," Kain said. "Even we find such a mess disturbing."

I was still wondering what Kain was talking about when I caught my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I had forgotten about the bloody nose, and it was now congealing down to my chin. There was even a trickle of blood leading from one eye. As I washed my face, I thought about how it was disturbing, but probably not in the way that Kain had meant.


	21. 7 T for Truth

Raziel hadn't managed to leave the house, but he was huddled in a secluded walkway bordering the top of the stairs. I sat on the floor in front of him and pushed myself between realms. With one foot firmly in the reality of the physical realm, I couldn't see or hear Raziel clearly, but I hoped that he could hear me well enough.

"Raziel, please come out," I begged softly.

The wraith's lamplike eyes focused on me for a second, but then he turned his back in shame.

I held out my hand. "Raziel."

I let him ignore me for a long time. Even though I was not fully in the spectral realm, I was beginning to grow woozy. Seeing that Raziel wasn't going to budge any time soon, I slipped completely into the spectral realm and forcibly turned him to face me.

"You can't hide forever," I said.

Raziel scowled in silent fury, but then closed his eyes in misery. "I remember." He looked up to see my reaction and noticed that I was rapidly losing strength. "I'll come with you."

I took his claw and dragged him back into the physical realm. Raziel sat motionless for several moments before speaking again.

"I remember my human life. I was so wrong," Raziel choked on his welling of emotions.

"I'm not here to judge you," I assured him.

"I never knew my real father. My mother never told me what happened to him," Raziel began hesistantly. "I was fairly young when I lost my mother. I found her bled dry in a field. The Sarafan found me and took me in. Moebius told me that Janos had killed my mother, and from that moment I knew only hatred."

"And now?" I asked.

"I don't know," Raziel breathed. "I don't know what the truth is, I don't know how I feel about it, I don't even know if any of it matters anymore."

Raziel was wiser than I was. The only words of encouragement I could offer was that he would survive this, and he had already endured far worse.

"Where is he?" Vordor bellowed from downstairs.

"He wasn't this angry when he knew part of it," I winced. I stuck my head through the bars of the railing and shouted, "Go away."

A tense moment passed, and then Janos silently flew up and over the railing. Raziel panicked and dropped back into the spectral realm. I simply waited for Janos to have the first say.

"There is much that we need to talk about," Janos stated calmly. He seemed dissapointed that Raziel had run away.

I let myself drift back between realms until both Janos and Raziel seemed ghostly and insubstantial. "Janos wants to talk."

"Is he angry?" Raziel asked.

"I don't think so," I answered, "Are you?"

"No," Raziel sighed. "Not immediately, but I don't think I can face him."

"He's staying right here," I said to Janos.

"I think I know who Raziel was, but I don't understand it," Janos admitted.

"He thinks he knows who you were, but he doesn't understand it," I repeated.

"I was the Sarafan that murdered him, and the demon that avenged his death," Raziel answered.

So I became the medium between them, only changing pronouns.

"Why did he not say anything?" Janos asked.

"I barely knew," Raziel answered. "As a wraith, I only knew that I had been a Sarafan, not the actual events of my human life. I revered that past only as a rejection of the vampiric empire that had cast me to my fate. When I saw myself kill him, I was horrified."

"But he must have known when he resurrected me," Janos said. "He must have known during these past adventures."

"I had rejected that past. But still, I don't suppose that absolved me," Raziel admitted. "I should have said something, but I didn't want to."

"If he truly does not remember, then he cannot be blamed for the actions of a past life," Janos said. "I would have forgiven him at any time, and I offer my forgiveness now."

"If you truly do not remember, then you cannot be blamed..." I repeated, but Raziel cut me off.

"I remember now," he spat.

"Do you want me to kill him so you can talk face-to-face?" I shouted. "He's offering to forgive you."

I glanced over my shoulder at Janos, a silent apology for my outburst. He seemed so sad at this whole situation. Raziel knew that I was talking for myself now. He stood up a looked to where my gaze had been directed. He then held out his claw to me. I let him help me up off the floor, simultaniously dragging him back to the material realm.

"Leave us," Raziel said to me.

Silently, I walked past Janos and down the stairs. Vorador was still standing below, listening to the strange conversation. I grabbed him by the sleeve and led him out of the room. Before I shut the door, I heard Raziel speak.

"I remember my human life now, why I hated you so. I thought you were responsible for my mother's death. Were you?"

I closed the door without hearing Janos' answer.


	22. 8 T for Tieoff

"Kain had other matters to attend to," Vorador mentioned quietly. "I should attend to my own concerns."

"Sorry it took me so long to have you aged again," I sighed.

Vorador shook his head. "It was a difficult puzzle. I doubt that any of us could have found that answer at all."

"Either too much patience or not enough," I murmured, imagining.

"Don't leave them alone together for too long," Vorador said, speaking of Janos and Raziel. In a flash of green light, he vanished.

Despite Vorador's concerns, I doubted that either Janos or Raziel would now try to harm the other. I avoided the main hall for a while, instead opting to run post-arc damage control. The floors were already digesting the muddy footprints, while the walls were slowly beginning to heal. I still had to sweep up most of the broken toys and other debris, but that was a minor task.

I wandered into the bedrooms. They were already reverting to their medieval styles, though they still showed signs of being used by children. It would take even longer for the rooms to resume their generic forms after being used by the same people for so long. The bedrooms changed to suit the needs of their occupants.

I encountered one room that wasn't settling as quickly as the others. The bed was rumpled, and the window hung open. "Ack, Malek," I suddenly swore. I had completely forgot about the paladin, and it was obvious that he had escaped through the window.

Janos had left already when I came back downstairs. For the moment, Raziel stayed in the material realm.

"How'd it go?" I asked softly.

Raziel didn't speak for several moments. I was about to turn away in deferral to his privacy when he said, "We might be able to rekindle our old friendship, but it won't be as it was. For now, we are simply not enemies."

"Oh," I breathed, feeling nothing but sympathy for Raziel's exposed secret.

"He doubts that he was directly responsible for my mother's death. At most, it was the work of one of his children," Raziel continued. "However, he does remember killing another Sarafan that bore a resemblance to me."

"Your biological father?" I asked.

"It is possible," Raziel shrugged. "He knew what his lifespan would be. We all did."

I nodded without meaning to. I did feel that it was best that Raziel didn't seem to be bitter about that part of his past.

"I hate to add to your problems, but Malek is confused and lost," I sighed. "I'm all for leaving him to his own devices at this point."

"There's nothing out there that he can't handle," Raziel wearily agreed. "We will get a chance to rest, won't we?"

"The muse has run off," I smirked. I turned serious and said. "I doubt that we'll have any excitement until one of us tracks it down."

"Not it," Raziel growled, still retaining traces of the muse-granted knowledge.

"Later," I agreed, knowing that some boring time would be good for all of us.

Many of the muse powers had never been of great importance to Raziel. He only bore that burden for the sake of his appearance. I sensed that Raziel would again consume the dragon and wear its scales, but only eventually.


End file.
